Live my life♥

me and my life
2020-06-08 07:35:09 (UTC)

lockdown released

Since I have no one to talk like I talked with Monku I crave to write diary everyday and mostly things are about him only. So lock down is released and everyone are out happily but fools don't know that soon they will have to stay in house because lock down will be announced soon as the cases will increase. Today i had gone out and it was all open shops, ration shops, docs, other irrelevant shops,autos.
So, lets talk about him. hehe however i try to avoid him he still remains my favorite to talk about and why would he not be? I loved him with sheer love, purity, honestly, obediently and it was all about him and me in these 5 yrs. Its just that i'm disappointed that it doesn't bother him at all. secretly I feel that i should have a bad time, i should fall sick, hospitalized and after he come to know he should come and visit me. I really wonder how come he took my Chal Nikal so seriously or its just a bahana? because he have had many fights before where we spoke bad to each other and chal nikal was not any big thing. However I try i cannot hate him. he may have done bad but he never intended, he may be partially reason for my unemployment but he was the only one who prayed for my job and donated when I got one, he may have been the reason for wasting my money but i'm sure he never wanted that. Things were in his hands but he couldn't maybe that was destined to happen. No i'm not defending him but I respect and value for all he has done for me. His tension may be to the level that i might not be able to understand even though I understand. despite this all its his ego that has come in between our love and that's the fact. But I'am not angry all I have for you is LOVE. I might even forgive him if he I repeat if HE comes to me. No there is no ego or self respect here. its that I want to be with a person who makes at least a small move to be with me and i have done that a lot earlier isn't its his turn now. Why does he never do it and says that he doesn't know hoe to do that, aing really??? i really have no idea whats in his head what he wants and thinks. But my baby, my Monku I loved you a lot and i realize that now. Isn't its so funny that you always said with amusement that i love you so much, pyaar tho me bohot karta hu tuje, Yaar kitna pyaar karta hu and funnily you were the one to break it also. anyways wait for 3 months and ill come to talk to you but for CLOSURE. Because i may love you a lot but I'm not blind or I'm still have self respect.
Lets see how this goes. I Love you Monku..... cant think of anyone taking your place. you wanted me to suffer and cry in your remembrance see I'am. teri gobar tere yaad me tadap rai hai. khus reh but ro bhi nai sakti me kyuki me akele nai hu, ghar walo ko nai dikhana ki mujhe farak padta hai, ki me sad hu. i miss your hugs but i can feel it when i close my eyes, i miss your hands, your warmth, your kisses, your smell your husky voice and everything. I wish you were little mad in love for me.
god bless you always........