Live my life♥

me and my life
2020-06-06 12:07:24 (UTC)

Disturbed, restless

However I think not to think abt him, I just think about him. My every single idel or also non idel time he is in my head. I get mirage of him and his msg. I makeup stories of us meeting again. Also back of my mind I still have not accepted us no more together. Is he also thinking so? Has he thought of us not together or is he treating it like a fight only. What is exactly on his mind? If he actually wanted us to breakup then why did he not when I had given him an option? Because he had no courage or he had decided it here only. How can he be so unaffected. Is he fine? He need me? Was I wrong? I guess he is fine as I heard him. I was always there for him actually I need him but he never understood. He thought it's my kiddish stupid want, no baby I needed you everytime.
Mom says she denies to accept the fact that he has done something like this. Or he is not here or he can do anything like this. She belives that he will come home. If he had to he would have at least called. No matter how much benefit of doubt I give the fact remains that he doesn't love me any more and his ego is important than me.
I'll msg him definitely next month but only for closure. I'll surly ask the reason and I know it will be something silly like always. I wish he had courage to confront me.
But it's very clear that he is not that much into me as much as I thought. I don't know what am I gonna do without him. He was my love. Yes was. I guess we have lost each other at least he has lost me.
But all this is really confusing. Is it a mere ego or he made fool or he changes his mind about me or he has done it in purpose.
Just cannot trust anyone.

Monku I love you. I miss saying this.
And also miss hearing gobar and gobya, tingy, from you.

I wish you loved like you showed me. And I was always right.