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me and my life
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2020-06-05 10:29:21 (UTC)

Losing my mind

I'm losing m mind. I feel hurt. I'm not able to concentrate on any work all in my mind is V. I feel its my great loss of my life. I really miss him. I loved him a lot,all these past 4-5 yrs was just about him about us.
i'm losing my mind. All i make up stories of what will I talk if i meet him, what will I text if i happen too, What if we meet accidentally after few years, what if this and that uufff.... also i cry in bathroom. No, I'm not into depression but yes, I'm depressed. and the saddest thing is he knows how mad and depress i become when he doesn't talk to me. and he is still OK with it. Was I that bad that 4 yrs of relationship which we built he broke that not even in 4 mins. Was it my fault or he chose his family over me? what will I do now? will I get a good guy m getting anxiety. my heart beats fast and my chest feels heavy thinking of my future. but for now I'm all concentrating on career. also i was shocked to know that he lied me about his salary. He has 13 lac package and he told me 11 lacs. why i mean why? I never lied him, i was a open book literally everything i shared. I never demanded or asked for anything. This way he might have hidden many things. I know he smokes, he might be secretly talking to his ex also m sure. or is she back in his life?
god ill go mad thinking of this all. Am I thinking too much or its just his ego??? why did he not call?
Deep down I know whatever has happened has happened for a good reason. but my heart refuse o let him go, let him not in my life, we not together, our dreams not becoming true. it hurts the way that cant be explained.
I have decided to call him after 3 months for closure. i want closure or else i wont move on. coz i still he is in my life. i want it from him. July 15 ill msg him for closure.
I have intuition of getting job in June end or July hopefully. God please bless me please.7


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