chae

from my heart
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2020-05-31 22:36:16 (UTC)

impatiently waiting

11:36 pm
i want to do something i love. i wish i had something i loved. i wish i had something in life where i would get excited to do. i wish i could have something to feel so so passionate about. im tired of fucking up and im tired of just failing. i know for a certain that if i truly set my mind to something i could do it so perfectly. i know this because there are tiny things in my life that i will feel motivated to do at times. i know i can work really hard if i wanted to but i just dont know what i want. i feel so envious when i see somebody with a goal in life and seeing that sometimes sucks me up inside. i want to delete everything i have and start over somehow. i wish i could disappear sometimes and be forgotten because its not easy making mistakes and being judged by others for it. i wish i didnt care about how anyone thought of me and i wish i could pursue what i love and create something meaningful in my life where my heart is filled. i want to be able to have a drive. the only thing im passionate about is the idea of being passionate. the only thing i love is the idea of loving.. i wish that i could no longer stop wishing.


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