me and my life
Was that all not real?
We spent almost 5 yrs of knowing each other and 4-4.5 yrs of loving each other. Is that less? For me that's a really long time. Long time of commitment, love, trust and long time investment of self. As the time is passing I'm getting more curious about us and what all happened. How can he forget me so easily, how can he give up on me so easily? How? Was all that not real not true? Was that all so shallow? Our love, our care and whatever we had for each other was that so shallow?
I remember him telling me how it affected him badly when we broke his 2 yrs of relationship , how depressed he was. If at all that was the thing how did it not affect him now? Here there was no such serious issue that he couldn't have tried. It seems he was wanting this, he had planned for this. He wanted from long because this had happened earlier as well. My heart aches. I miss him, I miss us, I miss our chats, fights the fun times we had spent. But now nothing is same everything is dead in a blink. Whom do I blame his ego? Or my self respect? His stubborn or my expectation? I guess it was ment to be. But if he could do this with me then I believe anyone can do this to me. A person who treated me like a baby, love me like a lover and protected me like a guardian left me with out a second thought.
What do I interpret? He left me or I? What must be in his mind? Everything was so important for him except me. Why I couldn't see that? I gave benefit of doubt by thinking that he might have seen it coming that nothing was working out and may be dint wanted me to adjust or be in trouble. He had no answers to my question of being together wedding may be he was helpless. If at all this is not how it should have ended na? I did give him option of mutually seperating he told me that would never be an option. But he chose doing so.
After 2 months it's hitting me hard, it's pinning my heart, everything is related to him and about him. I want to know how is he? Why he did so? Why he never loved me like he always claimed? I want to cry and shout on him. But I cannot. Maybe that better for us. I'll never forget us, happy us, sad us, sour us and sweet of us. I never knew this would happen. Will that quilt remind him of me? Will that tee, perfume, shoe, poha, mug remind him of me??? Does he miss me, loved me then why is his ego bigger than me??
I may not be able to love anyone, trust anyone like I did on him. I'll always find him in some other an get disappointed. In this all it was he who is responsible for all this and I hope he has the realisation. He will regret it one day. He would want to talk to me, clear things but it will not be possible. It's not even possible if at all he want to come back. Because I have know him better now.
Monku do you miss me??
I still pray for your good. Be successful, healthy, happy, satisfied but you'll always feel malaal of not having me in your life. Also I pray you find someone better. I know after some time you'll regret this all and will not find worth of what all you did if for family or whatever.
Monku I loved you and always stood by you in your decisions and mistakes. And you gave me this broke my heart, shattered my trust.
But end could have been better.