2020-05-30 03:04:38 (UTC)


what was your follow up eli? what was your follow up?
email after email. mistake after mistake. but i'm in the process of learning.
she keeps coming after me for stupid shit which i honestly don't remember being enforced.
i notified the doctors and gave them precisely enough information to deal with the issue.
many of the patients that i tend to end up declining with or without my care.
i guess that means always working with a target on my back.
now i understand how combat medics feel.
but don't worry. each day i grow, each day i learn. and this crash course has been doing wonders for me. maybe i just don't do everything i'm supposed to because i'm afraid to do it. but like that guy in acls class once wisely said...i have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
yoga and weed has been my go to. but it doesn't seem like i'll be able to give up weed any time soon.
my brother posted that smoking every day is an addiction. i guess he's right. and yet, i don't want to be addicted.
it's just a matter of how much i don't want to be.
i feel like i'm going to crashland if i don't breathe and get my shit together soon.
but what am i supposed to do? i don't even know where to start.
there's a lot of pressure. and i don't want to be under pressure anymore.
i think i have to live like i'm going to die.