Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
2020-05-21 23:57:17 (UTC)

I Don't Even Notice... ?

Well, this is the best I feel I can do to manage work. Unfortunately, it is the rest of life, as well. I'm getting to the actual point of the "Fried Noodles" song where Pink Guy says, "I don't even notice when it hurts anymore..." I may have wrote a word wrong to that chorus in my profile, by the way, but I don't feel like changing it... It's the part where he sings, "Do you miss me anyone?" I wrote 'anyone' as 'anymore.' Either one works, though. I certainly do live in a constant state of fear and misery... and I don't think anyone misses me anymore. Maybe my grandparents and husband. Can people miss you from heaven? Interesting question.

I've cut myself off from news and politics. Even ShoeOnHead. And Armoured Skeptic, though... I'm not even sure what he even does, anymore... conspiracy theories? If he still did the atheist videos, I might still watch him. I've unsubscribed from Bailey Sarian because I don't want to watch such dark content right now. I may still watch horror games, though. That's fun and not stories about real-life serial killers. I may have to re-subscribe to Blaire White. Her videos can get heavy, but they are not about Corona or politics. They are about trans issues, mostly. I also unsubscribed from many YouTube channels I don't watch that much. I will miss binge-watching Akkad Daily videos Saturday mornings, but oh well. I'm done with the negativity and darkness. I'll remain subscribed to It's Black Friday for now because she's a positive person, even though she's goth. She's kind of a blogger and I love the goth aesthetic.

"Serious" channels I am still subscribed to... Dear Mr. Atheist, God is Grey and Jaclynn Glenn. I love God Is Grey's perspective on Christianity and I love listening to some atheists because while I do believe in a God, I'm not religious and they make me think.


So now my YouTube viewings are mostly song mashups, gaming and comedy.

I even unsubscribed from Einzelganger, an interesting philosophy channel about stoicism. If I'm going to do stoicism, I'll do it my own way. It's not that his videos are preachy, I just honestly, don't find them that helpful. I stay subscribed to Dictionary Of Obscure Sorrows because I've only watched half the videos. I don't think they even make videos anymore, but there's other channels I'm subscribed to like that just for the heck of it, like TVFilthyFrank and even Markiplier's old channel. Lol.

Oh yeah... There's also my science peeps... The Vsauce bois, Sciencephile AI, Veritasium and Vihart. And I ship Veritasium and Vihart! They'd be a cute couple! That's my very favorite YouTube ship. Any others I might have are kind of weird... Lol.

I know this was probably boring, but it wasn't very negative!


Finally, I need to go Google who said, "Better to be uninformed, than misinformed." Not sure I agree with that. I really don't want to be ignorant of what's going on in the world, but I can't take much more... I'm in such grief, already. It doesn't help going through it completely alone. It makes it feel like I can never get through it. It's not something you should rush, anyways. I think many people do whether they realize it or not. Then, they tell me I need to "move on." Well... Maybe I am moving on at my own pace! I've always moved slower than the rest of the world, I feel. I hate rushing. Makes no sense for me to work in fast food, but that is just my job. I take the rest of life easy.

Like, a few things happened at normal ages... my first kiss was at age 13, my first date was at age 16, my first period was at age 13. So typical. Lol. But... I didn't lose my virginity until age 21... to my husband. And that's the only person I've ever been with. And I am proud of all that. I don't judge others for being different, but I really think it's best to not have sex in the teenage years.

And it's not like there's a time limit. If someone is a 40-year-old-virgin, like the movie... I'm not going to make fun of them, I'm just going to feel bad that they havent found love yet.

I'm not into purity culture. I've already said I'm not religious. My husband and I were never technically married. I just like being in love. I don't like "hooking up." I don't like rushing. One thing I am okay with is kissing on a first date. My husband and i actually didnt, though. We really took our time and it worked out.


If I had advice for the world/anyone that wants to hear/read it, this would be it: Don't make your life like a fast food culture. That's kind of how society runs, but fuck society!


"Outside of society
That's where I want to be!"


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