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2020-05-20 23:54:24 (UTC)

Routine out of whack! 😱

My routine is messed up. My morning quiet moments that I pretend to be my meditation time? Nope, it's all jacked. Got out of bed, put on a shirt, and started my day at work teleworking earlier than heck. No chance to just unwind in the morning. Had to take off running as soon as I logged on. Too much mental thinking tires me out. Did my gym class and after that, I was exhausted. Mental exhaustion. I think I was falling asleep sitting up. lol

Managed to plop on my lazyboy and the next thing I knew, I had slept for 4 hrs. I've been up for a few hrs now and it's still only 1AM. Now what? Poor me. haha. Late night isn't the same so I can't do what I do at night as I do in the morning. In the morning, it's a new day. Virtual wiping the slate clean and giving yourself yet another day to do better and be a better person. Clear mind and all. So that's my ritual per say.

But at night? Not the same. My mind is still full of thoughts and restless what ifs? Should I's. Maybe if I did this instead of that? Am I doing right for me? Then I stop and realize. I really can’t complain can I? I got most of my baskets in life in pretty good shape. I’m not lonely and I sure as hell not trapped in a relationship I can’t get myself out of. I have a glass of wine next to me. So yeah….. life is good. I have choices and I’m free to make those choices any way I chose to. That makes me happy realizing I can turn left, right, or forward. My life is mine to make better or worse should I chose to.

I think I’ll be taking Friday and Tuesday off. We have a holiday this coming Monday so I can make is a very long weekend. My friend Heidi wants a group of us to go camping at Shasta and Triniti lake. I think they want to go hiking too at Mt Shasta. Never been there before so we shall see. I now who’s going. Most are fun to hang with but this one person. Sort of like a poison and I don’t know if I want to be spending the weekend seeing her having her spew out words that I don’t want to hear. Bleh..

Then my Superstar friend called stating or asking that I have kayaks right? I said I only have one left now but I have friends I can borrow from if needed. Fricking ex gf broke my other kayak when she borrowed it. Anyway, I think superstar maybe she wanted to go kayaking? I think. Not sure. Dang!! It’s late night so like I said, I think better in the mornings. But I told her that the next time I go with my clique, I’ll invite her and she can hang with us. It’s a group thing so it’ll be ok. I’ll borrow a kayak from my friend Jenny if I don’t get another kayak by then. So yeah, kinda weird call but she’s such a goody-goody. She lives with rainbows and unicorns. Haha.

So now I'll just watch a show and pass out for round two with my lazyboy. Later peeps.

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