Mask101

Behind The Mask
2020-05-18 01:57:38 (UTC)

Drowning

So, mental issues, pretty sure I have some, don't have a clue as to what the fuck I'm doing or going to do, but who the freak cares?!
Jk
I think.
Anyway, I'm just gonna rant about a crushing, drowning, suffocating feeling I get when I get stressed, or maybe it's anxiety, IDK.
When something stressful happens ( which is a LOT recently) , I don't really know how to deal. I can't stop thinking, like 200 words a second, over and over, and it gets hard to breath, my breathing goes really shallow, and it feels like there's this immeasurable pressure just mounting in my head, on my shoulders, taking up residence in my chest. I start to really freak out sometimes and go through a period of time where I suddenly find it disgusting and horrifying if anything touches me, even my self or the chair I was sitting in, I kind of shake and clench and unclench my fists and my jaw. If my hand brushes my side, I have to itch and rub the spot immediately as if i just contaminated myself or something. It scares me sometimes and I freak out even more and my eyes tear up, but I hate crying (i hate myself crying, i'm not going to judge other people) so everything just gets continuously worse until I just kind of slowly get over it and relax. music helps, sometimes a good book, and if my dog is there, she is super cute. I haven't actually talked with my parents about any of this, but I kind of want to get an emotional support dog. Maybe that's a bit extreme but like I said, no idea what is wrong with me or what I'm doing, so....
Till chaos reigns again I guess.




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