༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings & RL Stories
May 13, 2020
Been a few days.
No new messages from the idiot DD3.
DD2 called at 630am yesterday, upset it’s been 2 - 3 days since we talked.
I was with company over the weekend.
Mother’s Day was nice.
Barbie, BabyFace were here. We didn’t grill out. Weather was yucky.
Indio came up after work Saturday night. First time meeting.
Said the place felt homey.
Monday he stayed an extra night. Sheldon, myself, Indio laughed so hard we all were crying. Was fun, relaxing, enjoyable. Sheldon enjoyed the bro time, the bro bonding.
Indio made the statement, coming up and spending a day every weekend won’t be a hard thing to handle, kinda set me off, but I didn’t say anything. He’s been hinting for Sheldon and myself to move closer to there, I’m not wanting to. Many different reasons. Sheldon won’t want to either. I can’t be thrown out or homeless for any reason here, it’s stable. Only way I’d be homeless is getting behind on rent. No guy to leave, or be thrown out, etc. My place. I’d prefer it stay that way. Sheldon doesn’t do well with change, it’s a smaller school here, easier to make friends, and he has some established. I don’t see the schools there being easy for him to adjust to. So, I’d like to stay where I am, for 3-4 more years. After Sheldon graduates, that’s a different story. Besides, Indio started out with the, Ill move up that way idea, but don’t think he’s really wanting to. He’s used to the busy city life.
Was upset with Monday nights ordeal as well. “I know you’re tired....but I’m going to be gone for a few days....” yeah, that set me off mentally as well. Yep. So, my head, as usual, that’s why he’s here.
The gifts were nice, got the hiking chair/backpack I have been looking at for a year. Got lots of flowers and the most beautiful red roses ever. A small teacup rose bush, a few mugs for coffee, a beautiful wind chime, some awesome smelling lotion and bath stuff., pink aviator shades, and some other stuff as well. So over all, an awesome day. I did prep the food, but Indio did the cooking and Barbie cleaned up.
Indio noticed that Barbie was instigating an argument, and looked at me to not say anything, so I kept my mouth shut. The two girls are moving to Nevada in June. They will be moving closer to Bear, who, as well as GQ did not tell me happy Mother’s Day. It’s ok tho.
Still have dishes to catch up on from Monday. We ended up eating left overs all week so far. Gave Indio a few bags of chicken and soups to take home. Sheldon and Shelby got along great. Indio gave him 20$ for watching and taking Shelby for her walks.
Furniture got rearranged in the living room to where the two guys want it. They need 2 TVs in the living room for some reason. Makes no sense to me, but I’ll finish moving and packing my stuff up today and let them do what they want. I will put my recliner in my room. I can make a nice little room for journaling and so on. Just have to get rid of more stuff and buy some shelving.
Indio wants to bring some clothes up and put it in the spare bedroom so he’s not bringing stuff every weekend. I’m ok with that.
He gave me his old work sweatshirt. Man is it rough. It’s seriously beat up, stained, with holes, pockets ripped, lol, but he wore it all the time.
Other than that, I’m ok. Battled some with depression, but not overly. So that’s an improvement.
Forgot what all I was yapping about.
Little irritated at the moment. Ya know, DD1, is one of my best friends, we love each other dearly, but have not spoken in over two weeks, not even via text or snap. Guess what? I just send a text once a week saying hello and he will message me when he gets time to. That’s the way that works. I love him no less. I’m glad I’m not needing to be messaged/talked to all the time, I’ve become self sufficient, and learned to stay busy with something. My ex’s who called me needy.....rofl......yeah, ok. Idiots. I’m not irritated at DD1 at all. Not what I’m getting at. Just an example. Most my friends, know, I’ll message when I get time to, sometimes it’s not for a few days. RiverMan is a prime example. He sent a few messages saying he misses our daily chats, but when I get time to sit and send a quick message, he’s not rude and sends one back. You know I been busy as all get up, I haven’t even written in here for 4 days or so. So.......yeah, been busy. Not sinking into a dark pity hole and all that mess. I have my classic music going and been busy as all heck rearranging furniture, doing the spring cleaning, etc. be productive! Go for a walk. Do something! No one can pull you out of the dark hole but yourself. I’m not gone, I still love and care for the people in my life, but with growth as a person, means growing in my self sufficiency. Being productive! Time to GROW! I’m not going back down the dark path as long as I can help it. I don’t love people less just because I am busy. Understand. Don’t be selfish. Be supportive. Grow with me. Plain and simple.
Soooo, just now checking my email after a week....yes, it’s been a WEEK of not checking email.....
Had to send an email:
My second message of today, so you know I am fine.....you are luved and still important in my life.
My life is busy. Plain and simple. I am not posting on FB, I am not posting in Snap, I’m not even posting in my journal for 4 days, because RL is busy. Plain and simple. I’m not laying in bed mopping around, sleeping away the days, I am up, being productive in real life.
I assumed my closest friends and family would be supportive and understanding to me growing in more ways than one.
I am not ignoring you, avoiding you, but am busy.
If you need to chat every hour, say so. If you need to chat everyday, say so.
Out of 15 years, you should know by now, I’m not one to call on a constant basis. History shows that. Why in the world someone would assume I’d change that is beyond me. I can only do so much.
I’m sorry if I’m not there for you 24/7. I’m sorry I am trying to get my RL in order in more ways than one.
I have not rejected you, tossed you aside, or anything along that line.
I will message you again on messenger later today.
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“Life isn't about how you survive the storm,
but how you dance in the rain"
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So, today, already, I have completed two loads of laundry, moved a full size dresser by myself, moved an entertainment center by myself, moved a chest and an entry table and two TVs all by myself in a matter of 3 hours. Will grab more coffee and finish another load of laundry, then when Sheldon wakes up, move two California King mattress’s by myself hopefully. Then will get the old dishes and old pots and pans out of here.
I think I lost the key to the garage....will have to look for that. Don’t think I put it back. Should have put it on my key ring.
I have lost another 13 pounds this month. I’m down to 126 pounds. 5’6”. Feels good. Just need to tone up now. Will work on that next.
Indio called, thinking....convinced, something is wrong. Nothing is wrong. It’s a mental state I must stay in at the moment. He thinks I’m going to “feel” too much and run. I’m worried about getting hurt, sooooo, mentally I will shut down, so it eases both our minds. Makes sense to me.
Bruised my finger moving crap around.
I’m going to post this, get another load of laundry going and look for that key. And go clean the kitchen next.
Life is like a battery.....
You need positive and negative to make it work.
Be PRODUCTIVE, and GROW, be a little more self sufficient!