Time Flies

Tempis Fugit
2020-05-12 03:49:24 (UTC)

Extraordinary and sadness

We watched the finale of Zoey Extraordinary Playlist tonight. Gut wrenching and predictable for the most part. I had been through it and therefore since they try to make it more realistic, we knew what was going to happen. I thought of my dad. After I told her I was sorry about her dad. He passed last year. She told me she didtreally think of him, but she thought of her grandad. She loved him and respected him greatly. She told me that he was why she married me. That I was the first person to live up to his kindness and his gentleness.

I cried during the show when they sang American Pie... I cried just a little when she told me I reminded her of her grandad. I have spent so much time shielding me I haven’t tried to make it work again. I’m no longer in love. I no longer feel that attraction to her. It’s ruined... and I feel sad that I’m going to be alone. That my kids won’t understand.

I told her yesterday that she is the best mom our kids could ever have. It’s true. She’s just not the best partner.

My life situation with the kids makes me a very unlikely crush or lust or love interest... the extra 15 I can drop in a month. Otherwise I don’t really have debt, I’m quiet except for my music. I’m a terrible singer and I am self conscious about it so I don’t do it in front of anyone but my kids. I bury myseld in self loathing so... at least I have that going for me. Quite a cocktail of desire. Yup, it’s gonna be a lonely life. The only difference is I won’t have to look at my wife and feel judged and less of a thing. I think this history is already written.




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