Jack's Twisted Kingdom
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2020-05-10 19:50:23 (UTC)

Mind Game XXI

I am a liar.

I am not, who I seem to be. I never was. There are none left now who know me, there are only memories of the deeds done, misdeeds, misadventure and the chaos I left in my wake. I am not now, nor will I ever, ask for clemency, there would be no point, I am not repentant. Oh, to be sure, I regret a handful of things....

Not telling Kristen I loved her more, for not being honest with her from the start, we began with a lie, we ended with treachery and deceit, on both sides, she thought I don't, didn't know, I did, I do. Funny enough, I believe she and I would be exactly where she and I are, the irony is, we're both doing it in the same locale, just, never close to each other. What might have honesty brought us? I wonder.

Ahh, Tess, so much said about her. So much best left unsaid. Except, I loved her.

Then years later, not telling Fern I was in love with her yet too much a coward to say so, running away from love when I most wanted and needed it, she was glorious, fierce, passionate, I still dream of her on occasion, I look at old photos', I think about kissing her lips, and think about our long conversations into the night til dawn's rising sun.

Monica, and Vicky. My fiance, and my daughter, probably. I'm not sure Mona even knew, and I didn't care, but we were to be married, and I wanted to marry her. The pair of them dying in the car accident the way they did. I still weep on December 17th.

Oddly, I'm financially stable now, moreso than I ever was. I owe nothing to anyone, debt free, thats the goal isn't it?

Although, I now find myself lonely, though, not alone, my feline companions keep the more deliterious thoughts and deeds at bay. You could almost say, they keep me in the light, for I find it too easy to slip back amongst the reeds.

It's disappointing, this apocalypse, the major concern being toilet paper, rather than gas or food or water.

I shall live, perhaps another year, maybe longer. Ze Doctors say the cancer is managable. I don't believe it.

I just hope I get to see the next few seasons of the Mandalorian.

Tempus Fugit.

Manet amor.