Hollowmoon

Wolf's Mind
2020-05-08 16:01:38 (UTC)

Friday 05.08.20

Its been almost a week. Despite that each day I reach for my phone hoping to see that familiar good morning text and knowing I wont. I miss you. I feel the day empty without you in it. But through it all, I continue to pray that you are able to work things out and maybe you both will be happy. I find it hilarious how the universe seems to mock me though. I get in the car and every song has some meaning some type fo message to missing you. I go online and I find poems that relate to you. I wish I could share them with you wish I could send you the tick tocks with the funny cat videos to guess your reaction. Wondering if I would get an eye roll or a smile.
But I'm trying for you, hoping it would make you feel better knowing I am even though I know you'll never read this. Although honestly, I hate the world right now. I have reverted to that fake smile everyone knows so well but it's damaged. You've made it harder to fake things and keep that mask on that was so easy to slip on. I can't fake it like I used to. I have a storm inside me of emotions and I don't really know which one to focus on. I wouldn't want you to worry about me or to think any of my pain is your fault. It isn't and at the least, it reminds me you were real.

Update: This week has certainly felt so incredibly long. I'm at work and looking out in to the sky and the sun wondering if you are under it as well right now. I want to reach out and see how you are. To hug you. I want to share this literal hell of a week I had and I want to know about yours. I want to know what new projects you've been up to what you've been painting and how your dealing with the car registration I have literally been annoying you to get done. What drama you've had with that asshole of a slum landlord and if you are handling the move ok. I just want to hear from you in general. Funny how the moment someone is gone we realize how big a part of your daily life someone actually was.




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