Scott

Scott
2020-05-06 14:29:57 (UTC)

Day Notes


Realizing this morning slowly terrified of going back to work and how long will work last? The company has been in business since 1901. It weathered the great depression. It thrived during 2 world wars. Now they are bringing the few remaining workers back SLOWLY. 22 weeks of unemployment left and hate to waste that life line. There is something to do because of orders that need to be filled and shipped out. More material for me to inspect is on order but after that? We need material but we get it from China and some few places in the USA. The company owner has been a shit about paying suppliers and lost a few. I am almost 65 and hope to live that long. I can get Social Security at 66 and that is a long way to go. Can I keep my house? Can I keep that job? A couple weeks ago I bought what was probably the last large expenditure of my life. Ok the last TOY. A new phone. With the way things are here in the USA I wonder every day how long I will live. How long can I hang on?

I think of the stress I often feel and wonder if the suicide rate has risen in the USA and WORLD. Worse in the USA probably because of the idiots leading us and killing us due to their extreme incompetence and lack of humanity. I will hang on as long as I can kicking and screaming to hang on. Besides... I have 2 birds to care for. Life has meaning when we have someone or something to care for. Give me a fucking ROCK to care for and it would give my life meaning. Caring for=meaning. To do it UNCONDITIONALLY without asking for anything back. Caring is it's own reward as long as we expect nothing back.

I laugh writing this part: I am cooking the main body of a frozen turkey. AGAIN. Just did that last week. Froze the meat. With meat shortages coming, trying to fill my freezer with whatever foods I can. My brother-in-law said HE only eats turkey at Thanksgiving. I like the meat of it. Ahhhh turkey and cheese sandwiches! Couple years ago a girl friend came here for Christmas. I cooked the whole traditional turkey meal for her. She helped a bit. It was fun. Best way to eat turkey with stuffing, gravy and potatoes. Now... survival. Food. I read this morning that with people seeing meat shortages coming, they are buying vegetarian hamburgers. Sales are flying!

Watching a wonderful sappy disgusting romantic comedy on Amazon Video this morning. I love it. Good thing I live alone. Horrible sickeningly romantic AND I LOVE IT! Oh hell I get tearful and laugh. I get a lump in my throat watching it. Damn... good thing I live alone at such times! ;-)




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