༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
Ad 2:
2020-05-05 11:48:10 (UTC)

Angry Threats Continue


Tuesday
5/4/20
1:08am

I could don’t sleep Monday night.
Could not sleep again last night.
Woke up in a crap load of pain. (15)
Went to bed in a crap load of pain. (15)

Not feeling well.

Did a lot yesterday.
Run to school.
Run to the bank.
Run to the store.
Paid phone bill.
Sent cards out. (Never did get a thank you from DD1 for the last 2 I sent, nor a conformation he got them)
Ordered propane and told them of the gas leak.
Paid electric.

My ex is come by in the afternoon to get stuff outa his car. I talked to him up at school for 30 minutes or so, kept 6 feet plus on distance.

I have laundry going now.

, I plan on finishing the spar bathroom. Needs a few things done.
Get the old pots and pans out.
Then the last room to focus on is my bedroom. Needs a lot of work. I have to get the winter stuff packed up. Summer stuff hung up.
Get the food outa the cabinets in my room and out to the kitchen.
Get my books out and on the shelves in a different room.
That’s all I’m going to get done. The rest will have to be tomorrow.

Indio is working on Saturday, so took Monday off. But changed his mind to just come up on Mother’s Day and head back. He’s not going to have a car, so doubt he will come up at all. It’s ok.
I’m still nervous. Normal? How do I push through it? I don’t understand it all. I question so much. I’m sure it gets on his nerves. I’m sure he wants me to feel the same way he does, they all do, but it will take me time. I love him, don’t get me wrong, he’s been the most steady support I have. He seems to know when to pull that crowbar out.

I’m not sure I understand. Said he has 3 bank accounts. Why do men do that? Limp did that. I have the one. Had to close the second one because of my kid.

I haven’t heard anything from them. The oldest doesn’t even ask why she can’t contact me. Shouldn’t be surprised. She told her husband when they got married I was dead/had died. Just how my daughters are.

DD2 left some angry voicemails yesterday. They are about 4 minutes long. Called me a “baby about things” once I’m awake, I’ll copy word for word on his voicemails. He was literally yelling at me on the phone. Said he would hire a private investigator to find out where I live. How is that legal? I’m not married to him. He hasn’t got his sweater yet, mail takes too long. Threaten to sue me over a sweatshirt. Um, ok. Go for it. Hope the court laughs at you. Need to find the receipt so I have it. ... I’m not sure I got the address right, but it was sent, all that matters. I can’t be sued for sending it to the wrong address.
I get why he’s angry. He is still friends and in daily contact with his ex’s. All but this one. It’s driving him bonkers that I am not communicating with him. He likes to be able to feel like his ex’s hang on to him. Makes him feel important, in control. This ex through him through a loop. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want any contact, even after (as he said in his own words.....”you still angry over things I said, I apologized like 9 times, said I was sorry....”) yeah, but your actions right now are a prime reason why I ran for the hills. To me, he’s unstable. He’s dangerous. He was breaking me emotionally. It was emotional abuse. I was going down a super dark path. When you say something so hurtful to me, as a joke then I SH so bad I’m going to be scars for life, uh, yeah, time to hit the hills running. It’s not good for me, not good for my son, and things would have gotten worse, he would have gotten more controlling.
And I was right, every 4-5 days he leaves a message. Went from the I don’t care, to the begging, to the laughing, now the angry.

Other than that, I can’t get warm. Been freezing for two days now. My ears are killing me (6 on pain$, my throat hurts again (7 on pain), yesterday I was coughing up some yucky stuff.

I had no coffee yesterday, spent most the afternoon using CLR and Vinegar cleaning out the coffee maker. I have coffee this morning.

Will be raining all day. So going to attempt to clean out the cabinets and get them moved today. Not sure I will get it done, but going to try to. I’d like to have it ready. Will be awesome for a pantry. Even if I just move one of them, I can still possibly make room for the desk in my room. But will be a ton of cleaning and rearranging. But that’s my goal.

I did do one part of my worksheets. Never got a paper safety plan. Wonder if it got sent? I think I can burn a copy on my printer if I have enough ink.

But, enough for right now, going to attempt to lay back down. I’m so exhausted everyday. This not sleeping but 2-3 hours and being awake for hours is insane. I did nap yesterday. Probably will again today. I really miss my Valium, it helped me shut my head off and sleep all night. It kept me relaxed. Funny, my nightmares started when I ran out of my Valium. And, was a day prior to my adopted fathers birthday. Both things contributed to the nightmares I believe. I still have no memory of what they are of. But they must have been disturbing if I was screaming in my sleep. Maybe it was something to do with a rape I zoned out on? Two brutal rapes in my lifetime that I’m surprised I lived through. Amazing how the mind will push you through things.

I’m still depressed.
I’m still battling the alcohol urges.
I’m still battling the SH urges.

I just try to stay busy.

But, happy Tuesday.
Life......
Is a battery.....
You must have.....
The positive and the negative .....
For it to work


Ad:2