god i love getting my feelings hurt
i have three guys in my life ..
i have three guys in my life rn. the masochistic fuckboy, the nice guy who's personality i want to transfer to the fuckboy's body, and my wonderful ex boyfriend. my masochistic fuckboy loves being in control. i like the dominance. i also like how his attention is very losable. one second it's like im his favorite thing in the world, the next I'm being ignored for 7 hours. it's a complex situation. one that works well for both of us. sometimes I'm in need of a little of attention and he needs an ego boost. and then we both get bored, well i get bored he's not all that past the physical appeal. how unfortunate that hot people are so boring. right now he's mad at me for acknowledging his compliment with an i know i am. it's funny to see how he doesn't like me confident. it's almost as if he's afraid I'll get another guys attention. next is the nice guy. he's got a sense of humor, he connects with me on a more deeper level than our fuckboy. but not that deep. it's fun. i try to like him back. but i cant. that's what i mean by transfer of personality. I guess there's always a flaw. And my favorite person of all my ex. i could lie and say how i didn't miss him. but oh God i do. We just got along perfectly
two pieces of a puzzle. the saddest part of a break up is losing your Best friend. i don't know what i miss my relationship with him or our friendship. i still talk to him. but it's not the same. it's like walking through a minefield. you have to be careful with what you say, so you don't exactly sound like ohhhh i miss you pls take me back. I sometimes feel like he's only keeping me as a friend becuase of all the trauma we've talked about and he's worried about how the break up might affect me mentally. That almost makes me mad except i enjoy his company too much to bring that uncomfortable subject up. I wish i didnt feel anything for these three boys. Maybe then i could achieve self love and stop lowering my standards. because if I'm being honest i can do so much better and deserve so much more. But like I say it is what it is