༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-05-03 10:09:24 (UTC)

Woke up feeling

Woke up at 1am as usual.
Woke up feeling SL.
Woke up feeling doom.
Woke up feeling somethings wrong.

Can’t place my finger on any of it.

Made my coffee.

Did more than I expected yesterday. I was up 28 hours straight, yet again.
I really do need my medication I was taking at night. It’s the only one that worked and didn’t give me migraines.

So disappointed in my daughter Bear. I really can not believe the mess that was left here. It just is so much on me, not to mention the mess Limp still has here, and it’s basically trash.

Wish my new pillows and bed topper were in.

I can’t seem to focus today.

Woke up with the brain fog and swallow up in a dark hole feeling.
Something is wrong or bad is about to happen but not sure what it is. I can’t shake the feeling.
I shouldn’t dwell on it, I know, because I can’t control it, I don’t even know what it is.

Sheldon and I are back to watching movies every night together. It’s nice.
Today should be another warm day, so I will finish some stuff outside. Been working on getting my truck cleaned out. Got my stuff organized in the trunk yesterday and started to clean the inside. Will need to vacuum it out, air up the tires, I do have to do the school pick up thing tomorrow for Rad and Sheldon.

Will need my music today. It will help side track my mind. I’ve been so busy working on things that need to be cleaned everyday. Not really taking a break much and still so much to do.

I want to get the cabinets moved, but that won’t happen today, I have no place to put stuff yet. I’m going to move my books to the living room and spare bedroom, all but the one I’m currently reading, which isn’t much. I want to get my desk set up so I can start my drawing again.

Want to work on some of my SH packet as well, but right now my paperwork is so unorganized. That’s one thing I get overwhelmed with.

Once my shelf and storage cubes come in on Tuesday, I can start to focus on that before everyone comes for Mother’s Day, if they actually come.

I’m surprised that DD1 never said anything about the cards I sent. Like it didn’t matter. Why do I keep trying? Why do I continue to do nice things for people so they feel wanted and appreciated. I don’t even get a thank you from some of them.

I went back and looked at my voicemail to find a pattern with DD2, seems to be every 5 days he will leave a voicemail, so am assuming by Tuesday or Wednesday I will get another one.

I have been scared out of my mind about him just showing up here. I can’t stand anyone, including family, showing up unannounced. Just irritates the heck out of me.

I know I’m stressed financially. I do have this month covered. That’s a good thing. But after that is a different story. As long as Limp keeps his car and garbage here, I can charge him enough to cover the rent. That helps. The longer that toaster sits here, the harder it’s going to be to move it, not to mention I can continue to charge him for it sitting here.

Indio is still sleeping. Wishi could. I’m up at 1am everyday and on my OCD kick. I damaged the heck out of my leg yesterday doing stuff that needed to be done. Sad I couldn’t get all the trash and recycling out of here. There was just too much. We are on a no burn right now too, plus my outside water is not on yet.

I question where this relationship with Indio is going to go, I shouldn’t, but I do. I’m still nervous. I’m not sure about what tho. He hasn’t changed any, he’s pretty consistent. Is it the fact we are finally going to meet face to face in a week? Then what?

Anyway, the more I type, the more my head is spinning, and it’s not in a complete circle, it seems to be all over the place. It’s probably about that time. I’m sure the last break I had was about a month ago. Since I don’t get my monthly due to cancer, maybe this is like a monthly cycle thing? I do take my hormone pills daily. Just a thought.

Since everyone is sleeping, I’m going to attempt to finish that spare bathroom. I ordered some towels for in there. Want to get the tub scrubbed one more time, get all the shower curtains and liners washed in both bathrooms, mop both bathroom floors, and wash the walls down. Will attempt to hang up some picture frames I pulled down and boxed up almost a year ago when I was pondering the idea of moving to Florida.

The sun is finally starting to come up. Maybe, just maybe I will throw some jeans on, a sweater, and go for a quick 5 minute 10 minute walk. I can’t walk far like I used to, because I can never make it back, I end up in so much pain I’m sitting on the side of the road unable to walk.i know, I tried it recently. Wish I had my ability to do the things I did 2 years ago. I wanted to go fishing this weekend as well, but just my son and I, between the two of us, we would be lost at how to reline a fishing pole and simple things like that. So there’s no point, specially with the Covid 19 still spreading.

But, I will say it again, I’m going to get off here and try my best to focus, somehow, on something today. Even if it’s just to finish the bathroom and finish a load of laundry. If I can just get that accomplished I will be happy I think, as much as I can be.

Indio is so cute when he wakes up, lol. Anyway, off to start the day being productive.
Will try my best to stay SH free. Going to be tough.