Live my life♥

me and my life
2020-05-02 06:39:01 (UTC)

Cash Crunch & Sad faces

Lock down has been extended till 17th May. It was suppose to release on 3rd May that is yesterday. Its just getting extended every time.
We are facing financial crisis because of me may be, that i'm not working.and my all savings are over. Dad's pension is almost get off on his medicines and bills, my money is for daily expenses and also for contingent expenses. budget is very tight here, while I was working everything was smooth. I made sure we have good water purifier, good cooker and whatever problem was been fixed without any 2nd thought also I was making good savings. but now things have become worst and I'm in my 30 and the most difficult phase of my life. I hope everything will be fine. I'm withdrawing my PF with heavy heart. that can be used for few months. lets see what worst will arriving. My heart aches to see mom in tension,she is pissed of chocked basin, dad cramped house and many. me too, and i feel its some where me who is blamable, because its my incompetency that I couldn't make our standard if living good. My incompetency I hope everything will be under control soon.

Sister is here. she is in her 9th month now. she is not happy here because of Dad. He is troublesome. He troubles a lot, he not only irritates but he torture us mentally. She is upset because of him.he also told her to get out of house because we stopped him from shouting at mom. looking at her irritated face i also get upset and irritate. She is counting days also wishing to move out from here asap. Also, sometime she is glad of spending time with mom and me. I know soon she will deliver and soon she will be in her happy place.

Monku & I are not taking from past 17 days. That's very big thing, but this time there is no excuse no forgiveness. Only decision. If we ever talk Ill do make him realize his mistake. Maybe he wants separation too. I do miss him but and so hurt that it has over powered the love. I'm surprised to see how cool he is by not talking to me. Is he not thinking about how will I react? Anyways I don't know anything and also don't want to think about anything as i have other areas to focus more. But I'm sad. I should have known that it wouldn't have worked or maybe I should have known. actually maybe I knew but i was just fooling myself by giving false consolation.

SS has entered in my life don't know from where and he is indirectly approaching me. he is rich smart and he likes me. but m not sure also i get inferior complex from him. he always flaunts and brag about his SUV and BMW bikes. I don't know what makes him do that he is trying to impress or he is proud of his earnings. He was dating firangi was in live in and also he knows everything about me. He wants to meet me and also convincing me to get married. If i say yes to him ill be all set in my life. But i don't what kind of person he is . more over will I be ever comfortable in his high class std of living. Good human is more important than BMW bikes.
Uday and jyoti has become my quarantine friends we talk chat and play ludo

My eyes are in pain coz of continues use of phone. So m signing off and filling pf form. have lunch, sleep, walk dinner get bore. need to soothe my eyes today. cyaaaaaaa