༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
2020-04-30 13:49:37 (UTC)

Thursday 4/30/20

On top of the Fibro, I battle with Narcolepsy. I battle Bipolar. I battle with depression. I battle multiple personalities. There’s a long list I struggle with.

Indio finally used his crow bar last night to get me to discuss what’s been bugging me. I know my therapist said to tell him, but I struggled with it for some reason.

But finally got it pulled out of me.

Indio and my therapist both want me to take a day just to recover. But sadly, I have so much I want to get done before Indio comes up for Mother’s Day.

I’m nervous. Scared. Head spins in 1000 directions on what could happen. I’m sooo mistrusting. My kids have stolen from me, my ex stole from me, and I’ve been beat on in my own home.....all things that refresh my mind with the thought of letting someone into my home.

I’m still not completely comfortable. I wonder if I ever will be. Is he going to get tired of my hick ups?

BabyFace is on her way out. Guess they will be staying in a motel. It’s such a bad situation. She’s talking about getting back with the drug idiot J. I just kept my mouth shut. Said she was an adult.
She told me I’m being selfish. I’m “avoiding conflict” which is not healthy. I let her know my therapist supports my decision on me blocking my drama children. I’m trying to get better. I don’t need the drama. I need to be respected, even by them.

Anyway, ordered my new Cal King topper for my bed. Will cut the Queen one down to a full and add it to the spare bed in the spare bedroom.

I have some laundry going again. Have a ton to do today and will rest up tomorrow. I’m hurting so bad today physically. My exhaustion is like a 100.

Found out I do say things when I scream with the nightmares, but he can’t place what I’m saying because when he fully wakes to pay attention I’m back to being calm. He said he will pay more attention to it when it happens again.

But, lots to do. So will write again tomorrow. Need to wash bed sheets and a comforter for the bed. And get towels going and clean the spare bathroom up. Get rid of the old pots and pans and get the new ones washed up and put up. Need to organize the spices too.

Will update more later.