Subtropical Lady

Where Pelicans Fly
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2020-05-18 23:08:38 (UTC)

May 2020 (2)

5/12/2020 Tuesday 8:38 p.m.

Oh, gross! Gross, gross, gross. Tom has a big old ugly wart on the back of his head which I've been treating for him with this stuff that stinks like hell. So I ran into the bedroom and shut the door and turned on the fragrant wax warmer. Hopefully, the iced mocha latte will override that strong yucky chemical smell soon.

The government is still stringing us along, which is no surprise at all to me. I still think they're going to turn us down. Why take care of your own when you can send billions to other countries?

We're having March weather now in the 70s, but it was still nice. It was warm in the sun but there was a strong breeze to keep you from getting too hot. We went bike riding. The only thing I didn't like was dirt and whatever being blown into my eyes because of the wind. It made riding a little tough depending on which direction we were going but it was still fun.

I now have two people that have told me root canals were painful. Aly said that if it was up to her she would get the tooth pulled because there would be less pain and less recovery time.

It seems it really depends on the person and the tooth. My last molar was a nightmare, partly thanks to the fucking county cock that did it. I did some research and found a mix of opinions. Some said root canals were tough and others said it was no big deal. This may sound funny but pain after the fact is easier to deal with than before the fact. If I'm in pain because something's wrong, it seems harder on me than pain caused by something that was fixed.

I called the dentist and updated Vicky. Not long afterward, Dana called. I know that a dentist’s main objective is to save teeth whenever possible, and she told me she had a root canal when she was 11 and has never had a problem with it and is now 55. I was blown away to learn of her age since I really thought she was around 40. She said most root canals are successful but yes, every now and then they do fail. She said having it done was no big deal.

So she and the dentist strongly recommend going with a root canal and that's what we're leaning toward but I'm going to call tomorrow and get additional information. Meanwhile, my infection is 95% better and I won't need a second round of antibiotics. They'll stay in my system for about 30 days. Took my last dose early in my day.

5/13/2020 Wednesday 5:35 p.m.

Found out some not-so-great news today as well as some totally fantastic news but I'm not sharing the fantastic news just yet and when I do it will only be with Aly. Gotta laugh to myself knowing how pissed the termites would be if they knew about it, LOL.

Yeah, it isn't every day you wake up to learn you won an appeal you didn't even know about that’s going to get you over 20 grand. Tom didn't want to tell me until he knew the outcome, but he hired a lawyer from some legal group and that's what the “phone interview” with Unemployment was really all about. Funny too, because just last night I was warning Tom that just like you sometimes have to fight for prizes to get delivered to you when you win sweeps and contests, you have to fight the government as well. I knew they would do everything in their power to string things along or deny us all together with or without being so overwhelmed with tons of claims, but especially with all the extra claims. That’s exactly what happened a while ago and Tom was right to keep his mouth shut about it since I would have worried even more. Maybe we should have appealed Oregon’s decision, but we weren’t in a position to hire a lawyer back then.

You know, if the fucking government would stop giving so much of our money away, it wouldn’t be so overwhelmed when it came to taking care of its own. We shouldn’t have to fight for this shit. I’m glad we won, of course, but sometimes I wish we weren’t from here or at least not white.

The lawyers, who win 95% of their cases, agreed to work on a contingency and only get money if they won his case. Well, they won! Our wonderful government was going to stiff us probably because he maxed out the system and was owed the most you can get per week on Unemployment here which is $450. Plus, there's the stimulus part of it to be factored in that you can't get unless you're getting Unemployment (guess there are two types of stimulus deals). He was so relieved to win because if he'd lost, he'd have to get one of those $15 jobs with Amazon or something like that and risk getting sick and maybe even dying.

Instead of having to go to work and possibly die for it, we're going to get more than when he was working, believe it or not, for the next 6 months, since he’s unlikely to return to work anytime soon. We actually have to be careful not to make too much money otherwise we could lose it. That's a first! Yeah, having to be careful not to make too much is a refreshing breath of fresh air. I'm still in shock.

It's weird because it's like where the economic crisis damn near killed us, this pandemic is causing us to profit. I just hope there isn't some nasty catch to it we can't see. Like how we were blown out of our minds to get such a great offer on the Phoenix house only to eventually leave me wondering if something up there only had us get such a great offer because it knew we'd need the money fighting to get into the new place with the way they kept fucking up on us and then the legal bullshit that soon followed. Well, hopefully there's nothing sitting up there saying, “I better have them win a decent amount because they're going to need it when I get done picking on her health.”

As it is, taking care of my teeth is going to be more expensive than we thought but I'm pretty confident that going with a root canal is likely to be my best bet in the end. I don't know what kind of pain I may be in for but if I don't do anything at all, I'm guaranteed to get infected again.

Even getting a pull costs more money than we thought. That would be around $500, and that office is closed now. They’re only doing emergencies where they simply pull the tooth with Novocain and nothing else. They said they would rather not pull the tooth at all, and recommended the root canal, so we trust their judgment and that it must be the best thing for me since they lose money by saying they would rather not pull it.

The bad news is that it's going to cost around $1,600 for a root canal. Dixie said she's had three of them and that they weren't as bad as she thought, just expensive. Looks like I'll probably be able to get nitrous oxide too, but it won't be just one appointment like Dana told me over the phone. I go in Monday morning for a consultation before the actual procedure. They could have gotten me in this afternoon, but Tom explained I couldn't make it due to my sleep disorder which the person he spoke with probably didn't get. The doctor would know what it is but I'm not so sure about those that answer the phone. Doesn’t matter, though. I get in when I can get in.

Anyway, we have to pay half up front and they'll accept payments for the other half.

I was doubly annoyed, though, because the doctor is male and has a name appearing to be Middle Eastern or Indian because they have the accents from hell. Really tired of having to deal with foreigners that don't want to conform to the American accent or at least try to! I'm fucking American, so why would I want an Indian treating me?

But then I looked the guy up, and despite his name, he's from Canada. So that should be easier to understand even if it still wears a dick between its legs. Personally, as long as they do the job right, they can have whatever body parts they want and be from wherever. I just want to be able to understand what the hell they're saying and have them be competent.

Anyway, we're relieved and happy about the settlement in which the lawyers will only get $1,700. We're guessing the payments will start coming at the end of the month. It’ll amount to nearly 30K in half a year and that's a lot for us! I'd love to take the money and run to Florida but there's no way we can put the house on the market with this fucking pandemic going on that seems to have no end in sight anytime soon. I still worry about being trapped here, so I hope Tom is right when he says they'll have a vaccine around the time we're ready to move.

I'm still a little worried about the lump in my neck as well as my nails, but not so worried about my female parts.

I removed the nail polish I swore I wouldn't bother with for the rest of the year and my nails still look like shit. But maybe it's more than just nail polish, though. Given that I'm also getting a band of redness under my wedding band, I'm starting to wonder if it's some kind of contact allergy and if it's some product I've been using that’s causing it. This could be anything from my tea tree mint shampoo to conditioner to different lotions. At least this isn’t in a sensitive spot and I only feel a bit of irritation. Nothing even close to maddening in any way.

I was surprised to learn that by age 50 most people have lost a total of 12 teeth, including their wisdom teeth. By age 75, 26% of people have lost all their teeth. I didn't know this! So I guess I'm kind of normal after all since I've lost 7 so far. Those are the ones I've had pulled. This doesn't count the bridge, the few crowns I have, and the root canal I'm about to get. One of the pulls, though, was an impacted baby tooth.

Aly told me she didn't care for her teeth very well when she was younger and believes that steroids and other prescription drugs damaged her teeth. It was $2,400 for her upper dentures. She has a few missing teeth down below but nothing worth getting crowns or bridges for yet. She misses her real teeth.

I've had lots of pets, yet none have ever or will ever make the impression on us that Tinkerbell made. She was truly extraordinary in every sense of the word. Despite my anxieties over my teeth and my relief over the appeal, I've shed some tears for her tonight. I still miss her so much and I feel so guilty about the way she died and having to suffer under the shitty circumstances we were in at the time. If Tom’s belief is right about there being an afterlife where we’re reunited with our pets, I hope she'll forgive me for the way I handled her in the end, even though I would think most people would understand.

Even though I told Alyssa I wouldn't send any more messages since she clearly didn't want any kind of friendship with me, which is her right, I decided that since it's highly unlikely she's even picking up my messages (and this is true since she could always disable notifications) I would use our Messenger chat for a voice journal. I won’t discuss anything too private, of course. It just amuses me to think of the very, very, very off-chance that she may actually hear them. Or maybe even her kid or future grandkids someday. Most likely no one will ever hear them but until voice blogging is as common as text blogging, why not use it for that?

My first-ever homemade scalloped potatoes are in the cooker now. Was a bit of time and work to make but I didn’t mind. The mandolin saved some time, though. The ingredients came today, and I swear this is the biggest onion I ever did see! Didn’t use most of it.

5/14/2020 Thursday 11:25 p.m.

I'm still baffled by my nails, but I think whatever it is goes beyond simply overdoing the nail polish. I hope Tom's right since he thinks that’s all it is. The problem is I'm so addicted to nail polish that it's hard to keep from polishing them, but I'm determined to leave them alone for the rest of the year or at least until and if they clear up. I'm wondering if it might be due to psoriatic arthritis.

I've got lifting in about half of my nails, some discoloration, and even a touch of sensitivity. It's hard to describe but I guess it's almost like the tips of the nails where they meet the nailbeds have a slight burning sensation or like the skin is too dry and tight even though I'm keeping my nails moisturized. It's weird because the fingernail that's the most sensitive doesn't appear to have any discoloration or lifting. One of the sites I was investigating recommended soaking them in apple cider vinegar for 10 minutes for a few weeks. I doubt it will help but it can't hurt to try.

They also recommend coconut oil, so I decided to use that instead of the Healthy Hoof.

At least my bottom I-tooth didn’t have any soreness when I first removed the mouthguard today as I had for a few days. I think that tooth was just trying to shift.

I also think I would like to stop having one fucking problem after another!

I'm a couple of days away from taking my meds consistently for 6 solid weeks. So I'm sure my next round of anxiety is coming soon and I'll have to snip the ends of the pills for a couple of days. Well, hopefully that's all I'll need to do it for.

Nothing like waking up to the sound of sawing. Yeah, this is the third fucking time since the sixth and it's definitely getting old. The thing is that the bastard will quickly saw something and then jump inside his house. I don't want to go to anyone's door with the virus going around. He's obviously not going to stop until someone complains and maybe not even then since many people react poorly to complaints. I can see someone doing this initially when they first move in and are getting settled but it's been going on ever since the bastard moved in which tells me it's just what he does. It's probably his hobby if not part of his job. Oh, to have all-female neighbors! Yes, I've had some obnoxious female neighbors before but nothing like the shit I’ve gotten from guys. Them and their fucking loud-ass power toys and vehicles.

The commercial planes, on the other hand, have been a million times better. No longer do I hear dozens of them in the early morning and late at night along with a sprinkling of them in between. I'm sure they'll drive me crazy again soon enough but I'm enjoying the break from them for now. All I hear are a few small planes and a few more helicopters and that's pretty much it. The nights are nice and peaceful as they should be.

Took the bike out this afternoon but it was a bad time because there was too much activity getting in the way. People see me coming yet they still can't get out of the fucking way which slows me down. Riding against the wind on a gearless cruiser is damn hard, so I hate it when they slow me down in the areas that aren't uphill. I love coasting down Oak. There were also a couple of women hugging nearly in the middle of the road which forced me to go further toward the middle of the road to get around them and this was right at a curve where you can't see oncoming traffic. I almost slammed into a couple of turkeys as well.

I would go at night when the traffic, people and turkeys aren’t in the way but then I run the risk of hitting a skunk darting out in front of me. It wouldn't take much to get thrown. Just one large rock or something in the road that I didn't see until it was too late, and I could be as good as dead if not so injured that I sure as hell wished I was. Getting thrown from a bike can be just as dangerous as a motorcycle and you don't need to go nearly as fast. It's still fun to go out riding whenever I get around to it. If I stick to the circle at night, I should be okay. There’s only a small section where I like to go fast, but that area is well-lit.

Tom loved by creamy cheesy scalloped potatoes I made. He said they were fantastic and it was all he could do to keep from eating the whole pot, LOL. Well, he won't want any of tomorrow's recipe which will be mushroom spinach tortellini.

I had a boneless skinless chicken thigh leftover from when I made the garlic chicken which I baked at 425 degrees for 40 minutes after seasoning it with garlic salt, cinnamon and paprika. Came out surprisingly well and I could see myself getting this more often.

The wool dryer balls came today and depending on how long they last, we’ll save a lot of money in the end because I'll no longer need to get liquid fabric softener. They do a great job with static and your clothes dry a little faster.

Dixie invited me down this Saturday to make more masks with her but I'm on nights now. I wish she would just download the Walmart grocery app and get a subscription going so she doesn't have to go out as much but I don't think she understands how to do that. She and technology just don't get along and she has memory issues much worse than mine. PQQ helps with Tom's memory but I'm afraid to take things I don't need to take. If it wasn't for him, I’d probably have to record my doctor/dentist visits and then take notes later on, that's how forgetful I can be these days.

I'm worried for Aly because her temperature was 99.9 which isn't too bad but 13 hours of sleep? Hell, I can't remember the last time I slept that long and she usually only needs 5-6. She said she was still tired afterward and had to resist the urge to sleep, not wanting to throw off her schedule. Really wish she had stayed away from Cam and that she doesn't have the virus!

I decided to make the blog with the termites’ journal excerpts private. I'll message them directly when I feel the time is right.

5/15/2020 Friday 10:03 p.m.

Well, the penicillin has officially given me the runs. Hopefully, it won't last long.

Forgot to mention yesterday that the dentist canceled my Monday morning consultation. I was annoyed at first, hating it when doctors or dentists cancel on me because that adds to my stress when trying to schedule appointments. But they called back today, and I'll be seeing a different doctor on the 26th. As much as I'm still dreading it, I hope to get the root canal and all the fillings I need completed around the time I see my ENT in early June so I can enjoy a long break from appointments until I see my PCP in October.

The dentist emailed me saying they're open again but are going to do things a little differently. They’ll text us a couple of hours before our appointment to ask some COVID-related questions, and then we’re supposed to text them when we arrive. They'll then text you letting you know when you can enter the office. You must have a mask on except for when you're being treated, of course, and they'll take your temperature upon arrival. I'm almost always 97.

At least now I know I won't have to worry about money at all and can have whatever procedure I want regardless of costs (I would still prefer laughing gas and not just a simple chill pill). Yeah, I still can't wrap my head around that, LOL. This is more money than anything I've ever won, more than my joke of an inheritance, more than anything.

I have these foil sachets that are typically used for removing glitter nail polish. I think I'll soak the pads in them with apple cider vinegar and treat my still shitty-looking nails with them. I still hope Tom's right when he suspects it's just nail polish damage and reminds me that my doctor saw them and didn't think they were anything to worry about. They're not as irritated today, so that's a plus.

Despite my hair being barely past my shoulders, it's still a bitch to brush even if I do it regularly. Is it really still that thick?

Miraculously, I slept through trash and green waste pickup. Wish I'd thought to add Alexa and her brown noise 7 years ago. It's just that she wasn't as reliable back then and I had other things going on to disrupt my sleep like perimenopause and the hell I went through adjusting to my medication. I'm much better off both physically and emotionally these days, especially emotionally, and I think that helps me relax enough to sleep better, along with the fact that I know this is our last year here. It better be! Life isn't usually what we plan or at least when we plan it, so hopefully, this will be one of those exceptions.

The only time I might still get in a blah kind of mood is when I'm on nights, which is not surprising and quite typical. That's when my mind has fewer distractions in order to have a chance to go places it shouldn't be going. That's when the what-if moments often come to mind. I just try to keep busy which is something I like to do anyway. I like to be as productive and as creative as possible.

Could have sworn I heard that damn saw for a few seconds shortly after I got up, but I can't swear to it.

While I'm glad it's summer, it kind of sucks to know that they're very likely to close the pool during the summer. At least we should be able to swim year-round in Florida.

I'm making mushroom spinach tortellini now. This is the most sophisticated recipe I’ve thrown together yet. If someone had told me I would one day develop an interest in cooking and would be making the kinds of dishes I've been making, I would have laughed. I've definitely learned never to assume I might not be interested in something later on down the road or that I won’t lose interest in something I'm presently interested in. One can never know.

Right now I've got mushrooms, onions, butter, soy sauce, salt and pepper cooking in vegetable broth.

It took a half-hour of preparation and it's in the cooker for the next 7 hours. It's going to be a while before I add in the tortellini, cheddar, cream cheese, spinach and basil leaves. I shredded the basil leaves by hand because I don't have a decent shredder right now. Thank God for rodents! I had more basil leaves than I need, so the pigs and rat will be happy to finish off what's left of them.

Fuzzy and Blitz are cohabiting nicely. I was worried Fuzzy would pester him and maybe chew up the liner, but he's been behaving nicely. I think it's mostly because he's older and spends most of his time upstairs sleeping.

5/17/2020 Sunday 1 a.m.

Looked into alternatives to nail polish remover that may be better for my nails, and one of the suggestions was toothpaste. That one didn't work at all, but the perfume suggestion worked a bit. The problem is that it would take forever so it's not worth it. They say the best is hairspray so next grocery order I'll throw in some hairspray and we'll see.

Thought of ways to hide the ugliness until my nails clear up (if they ever do) and remembered I have a bunch of nail decals. They won’t stay on by themselves but all they need is a topcoat. No nail polish and no remover.

My mushroom spinach tortellini came out awesome! The only problem is that it's making me hungry. That's the problem with carbs... They fill me up but leave me hungrier. More hunger and eventually more weight. Definitely gotta switch back to meats even if it's bad for my cholesterol. I don't lose weight, but I don't have to worry about gaining and always being hungry that way. It would be nice if I could live on just fruits and veggies alone since I wouldn't have to worry about cholesterol, but I know I would be even hungrier than with carbs. So it's either carbs or cholesterol and I choose cholesterol, LOL. My doctor said I don't have to give up meat altogether if I focus on things like fish instead of bacon. Yeah, but a moderate amount of fat is actually healthier. Atkins was low-carb and low-fat and that can cause heart attacks. I definitely lean way more toward fish and chicken and healthier meats as opposed to bacon and red meats. I don't want to have too much fish, though, because of the mercury in it.

So that's what those “steps” are for. The people before us left these little wire-coated steps and when I was looking for spice racks on Amazon, those were one of the designs that came up. I plan to get a different one that I think will be better in the next place but for now, I set one of the steps up by the side of the stove and arranged my sprays, oils and spices on them.

I keep going back and forth in my mind as to whether or not I want to unblock the termites. I'm kind of hoping one of them will contact me first if I do so I can reply with the journal excerpts which kind of makes me feel more like I have an excuse to, but I still hesitate for a few reasons. I want to be gone over a year first. I'm sure they could figure out how to get our future address if they really wanted to and send shit there instead, but at least it should take time to show up online. I don't think they share this information with the world the instant you get it.

I also don't want to take a chance of any of them realizing I’ve unblocked them and then turning around and blocking me if they haven't already, thus making it harder to send them anything in the future. I think I'll just stick with my original plan and wait until we've been gone a year, then I'll unblock them and send the messages then. I'll just have to wait a few days before I send them because Facebook doesn't let you re-block anyone for 72 hours. I'm also going to Skype a copy to Lisa because I don't trust that Tammy ever forwarded anything I sent her to give to her. Especially when I asked more than once if she gave Lisa a copy of my note and never got an answer.

I don't want to ask Aly to piggyback any messages when we move because then it's more likely to be filtered since they were never connected before.

Decided to quit sweeping since all I get are win notifications for others. Really, I'm sick of that shit, and there's just no winning with all the competition I've got these days. I wasn't sweeping as I used to, though. Not using OLS or anything like that. I was just entering sweeps I would see on my Facebook feed.

The fucking motorcycles made up for my being able to sleep during trash pickup on Friday. Tom said two of them went by. Believe it or not, we're supposed to get rain tomorrow so hopefully, that will back them off so I can sleep. But yeah, the rude fuckers are going to be a problem until November. I wouldn't be surprised if I heard the one that visits in the middle of the night within the next few nights.

*Sighs frustratedly* First all I had to run from were the stereos and barking. Now motorcycles and planes have been thrown into the mix. What's next? Spaceships?

No runs today but I'm still going too much. I hope I don't need another round of antibiotics. No pain but there is a slight throbbing sensation in that tooth almost like the nerve is desperate to escape or something.

Went bike riding around 9:30. I figured that sticking to the circle would be kind of boring but I didn't want to go down the “rollercoaster” not only because of the skunks but because that's where I go the fastest, and without being able to see well, I didn't want to risk an accident. So I opted for a Daisy run instead. It only took 10 minutes and there were a few areas that were pretty dark, but it was a nice ride. With the exception of the skunky smell by the RVs.

It seems I had a dream about trying to keep a skunk out of our place without getting sprayed. It didn't spray me, but it made this horribly angry screeching sound.

I also had dreams involving Alyssa and Dr. A. I love it when I have funny dreams involving people like them, although I wouldn't exactly call them “funny.”

With Alyssa, I met her under different circumstances, and she was younger, too. We were in a medical building and she was only 21 when I first saw her, though not as doctor-patient. At least not right away. The first time I saw her we never actually spoke, but I was immediately attracted to her and would later realize that she was having a job interview with the medical group about working in that building. I don't know how long she eventually treated me for, but my dream self was thinking how we first met when she was 21 and now she was 26.

With Dr. A, Tom was telling me it was time to go for my appointment with her and I realized I was barely ready. I had just gotten dressed and hadn't put on any makeup or anything like that. I jumped up to leave and then fell down.

But then I was sitting in a room by myself waiting for us to do a Zoom meeting. I hadn't been paying attention to the screen, figuring she would be late. Suddenly, I saw that she was just coming on and went to adjust the monitor.

Then in another split second, I was waiting to meet her outside some building somewhere. It may have been someplace I was living because I was a little embarrassed by how the outside of the place looked. She showed up carrying a jacket of mine as well as a notebook that I left in her office the last time I saw her there. I took the jacket gratefully but then was embarrassed when I looked down at the notebook which was folded open to a page where I had a list of names.

“Ah, my character list,” I said. “A friend and I randomly threw some names down from the internet to choose for stories we’re writing,” Then I flushed with embarrassment when I thought of her reading anything else, knowing I'd written some personal thoughts and things I wouldn't want to share with her.

In the last dream, I was listening to an official-sounding voice message. My first thought was that it was Dixie, but the woman started off by saying, “This message is for Jodi…” I’m not sure what it was about but I wanted to ignore it and was afraid I wouldn't be able to.

5/18/2020 Monday 1 a.m.

My heart was racing again. It did this the night before too, after eating. It's almost like there was something in the tortellini recipe making it race, but I can't imagine what. I managed to get five or six servings out of the tortellini and it basically fed me for a day and a half. The same amount of weight it put on me. I swear if I wanted to gain weight, all I would have to do is eat bread, pasta, rice, and peanut butter. I think even just pasta alone would do it.

Some groceries are to be delivered tomorrow. Since it's harder to lock in a delivery time with so many people getting their groceries delivered, we decided it would be easier to get things delivered every few days rather than weekly. The only “bad” thing I ordered to make us tomorrow besides a small sweet treat of mini M&M's in a tube is Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay biscuit mix.

I also ordered a twin pack of cornish game hens for the first time ever. You can bake them in the oven, but they recommend a cookie sheet with a rack which I don't have at this time, so I'm going to slow-cook them. I know I could use a casserole dish, but I really love slow cooking. Because they're small and the cooker is small, I'm going to make one at a time. I can't see myself eating more than one at once anyway. I'll season it to taste and cook it over some veggies. Learned that they’re not even game hens but young chickens and therefore have less fat. I prefer dark meat to white but I’m sure I’ll still like them.

Having some fluky weather. We don't need the heat or anything but the rain we're getting is unusual for this time of year when it's supposed to be hot and dry. There is also a flash flood warning for tomorrow.

I hope Tom is right with his time frames. I'm thrilled that we won't have to worry about money for many months but what then? I asked him what we would do when the money runs out and we're back down to $1200 a month in retirement checks which aren't enough to live on. Well, he feels confident that we’ll be fine for the rest of the year and that early next year, there will be a vaccine at which time he'll get a job and not have to worry so much about getting sick. Wish I could be as confident as he is! It's just that they felt certain they would have an AIDS vaccine yet 40 years later, there isn't one. As he said, though, this is very different than AIDS.

I really hope nothing comes up to prevent or delay us from moving next year! And I also hope that whenever I'm destined to have new health issues or old ones that get worse, it isn't until after we’re moved and settled.

It seems we really have been compensated with money after many years of struggling. I wish I could believe that we’ll be compensated with a beautiful home and an ideal location that’s peaceful and that I love so much and never want to leave until I die, but I can't believe that for a minute. I would love for that to be the case, but I just can't see it. Then again, I never would have thought we'd not have any money problems for 9 years, so maybe - just maybe - I'll be pleasantly surprised even if I highly doubt it.

Had a horrible nightmare. One that certainly can't reflect anything that’s going on now, so I have no idea where the hell it came from because we're the furthest from losing the place than we've ever been before in our lives. The dream didn't make much sense in a lot of ways. I was alone yet Tom was still alive. It's like I couldn't get to him or something like that. Then there was something about a phone ringing late at night and being back in Massachusetts. I wouldn't answer it because I was sure that whoever was calling had bad news or was at least someone I didn’t want to hear from.

The scary and sad part of the dream was being stuck in this hotel. I was out somewhere and this woman that sort of resembled Nane was driving me back to the hotel. Then I realized I'd forgotten my room key. “Nane” was frustrated with me, wanting me to make up my mind where she was to drop me off because she was in a hurry and didn't feel safe being in public with the virus still going around.

Once she dropped me off at my hotel, I was able to get inside my room easily enough because the housekeeper was in it. I found that someone had ripped off most of my stuff. My lungs were tight and I told myself not to panic since I didn't have my inhaler but then I found it in one of my bags. After I took a puff, I noticed a woman and a man sitting at a small table by the door playing cards and smoking. I demanded that they take their cigarettes outside and was determined to find who stole my stuff. I was questioning some guy at some point and had to resist the temptation to strangle him before he could if not tell me directly then at least point me in the right direction.

I began to feel a sense of hopelessness and to believe that death was my only savior. I then started crying as housekeepers and whoever passed by me as they came and went. I sobbed, “I’m gonna die,” but no one seemed to care.

At least the dream ended on a good note. I was getting it on with some woman and I came like I was under 50 again. LOL

Aly admitted she was still in touch with Molly but only through Fitbit and that was sporadic.


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