Depressed? Heartbroken? Lonely? 😢
I have some friends going through some tough times. I also read some of the posts here and am sad to see this Pandemic is bringing out more depression and sorrow too. Makes me a little sad reading some of them and I feel for you all. Just want to say I'm sorry if you're going through this. I've spoken to some of my friends here in Sacramento hoping that maybe some of the things I say are correct and helpful. All I can do is comfort them. You don't need to know me or be my friend but here is what I'd suggest and what I did to get myself out of that hole. I too broke up with someone a few years ago and I admit, there was some soul searching to be done. Here is what I did not necessarily in that order.
First thing was to not torture yourself. Meaning don't go looking at their posts on any social media. It's so easy to do and nothing in the world that you see in his/her post will make you feel better. Nothing. Your imagination will picture them in a perfect world without you. Anyone new that he/she meets will make you feel like that new person is better than you because they upgraded. At least that's what you'll tell yourself. Stupid thought but you will think that in the back of your mind because you are your worse critic and you are good at punishing yourself. So this is a good start to getting yourself out of that hole you're in. It'll suck. It'll hurt. It may be the last thing you'll want to do but you have to do it. Falling off that wagon will just tear down all you have built and you'd have to start from square one again. So stop doing that dang it!! lol Learn to bitch slap yourself.
Next I'd suggest you work out! Any kind of exercise. Take a walk. Slow jog. Online classes. Whatever it takes. I have yet to find a 20 lb remote control for your TV so you should forget sitting on your ass watching TV. When this Covid thing is over, join a gym. Not just any gym where you go and they hand you a towel, say hello, and you just have at it. You'll get bored and quit within 10 days. So instead, go to an instructor lead class with other people there trying to lose weight. I got lucky and found such a gym. Even now, we modified our workouts due to the situation and are doing online zoom classes. If you can find one, join an online instructor lead workout.
I'm not a Dr. or anything but I read up on what happens to the body and all the chemicals it releases or gets generated when working out. It's a fascinating thing how the human body works. Basically, your body releases chemicals to deal with your emotional state of mind. Yes, even the pain of someone leaving and the feeling you get is said to be a chemical releasing in you and crap that is imbedded in your DNA. Won't go into details about it but knowing makes you that much better.
Regarding the chemicals your body releases during working out, its' supposedly like natural morphine as far as the feeling but of course it's safe and not the crap you inject yourself with. All sorts of chemicals or actions being done in your body and where it's being released is a pretty cool read. I can't even spell all the stuff talked about like dopamine, endorphines, receptors, seratonin, etc, etc. But read up on it and you too may push a little harder or maybe inspire you to work out. I didn't take a poll but I'm betting there are way more depressed people that don't work out compared to people that do work out. I myself am no athlete but the feeling I get after jumping around in gym class is fantastic.
Self assessment. Yup, write down the things you feel you need to do to improve yourself. Be honest because you'll only be fooling yourself if you don't. Do you give to others? Are you maybe a little jealous and maybe that caused your breakup or for you not to get someone? Are you selfish? Are you dependable when friends get together and you don't flake and are reliable? Many things you can look at yourself and work on instead of pining for your ex or being sad for being alone. Nobody wants someone to fix. You shouldn't hope to find someone to make your dreams come true and put you up there into your happy place. I know, pretty mean but it is what it is.
Find new friends. So many places to do this. There is meetup app. You can find a group of people with the same interest for almost anything from wine tasting, chess clubs, cooking classes, three legged chihuahua races, lol. Whatever you can think of it's there. There are places you can go and volunteer like SPCA, hospitals (maybe not right now), soup kitchens, go to church, etc, etc.
Start a journal. Duh!!! We're all here so we got this one down at least.
Invest in multiple baskets of life. I learned this not too long ago too. Sort of like invest in life stocks. If poop happens to one basket, you have others to hold you up. My baskets? Lover, work, work friends, siblings, gym friends, dart league friends, meetup friends, etc, etc. When one basket tips over, I got the other baskets of life to keep me going. If you invested all your marbles into a relationship, when that relationship fails, you will be in a world of hurt because you got nothing to keep you afloat. If your partner was your social life, now you are SOL. Where do you go out now when you'd both would go out together in the past? See what I mean? So keep those baskets of life filled and you will be ok if and when one or two tips over from time-to-time (and it will).
When I mention baskets, I'm not just categorizing what I do. Like work for example. I try and do better what I do. I try to be ahead of the game and do things even before my boss thinks about it. By the time he thinks about it, I've already suggested it in our weekly meetings and showed them reports on what and how I'm doing it. Ta-daa!! For friends, same thing. Are you flaky? Unreliable? Do you offer a helping hand when you know they need it and too proud to ask? Do you volunteer for anything? I dunno, something about it makes you feel better as a person when you donate time, money, or goods without wanting anything back.
Seek family and friends for support. That's what friends and family are for. Then if you want an honest opinion, seek counseling. They get paid to do that and they will listen to your bullshit. haha. Kidding. I mean they will listen and help get you out of that slump you are in.
There are so many more things you can do and this is just a starting off point. I'm just mouthing off shooting by the hip. It just saddens me that there are a lot of people so sad now even thinking suicide thoughts. I know they don't really mean it but still it's sad that they are even sad enough to plant that seed in their hearts.
Now I'm not super duper happy like a lunatic but I can say that I am happy. When I worked on myself, I started getting more quality friends and they ended up wanting to hang out with me more which is AWESOME!!!!
I work out 6 times a week so I get my fix and that makes me feel good all week too. Woohooo!! And believe me, I was like the king of campfires meaning I'd drink my ass off and be the last man standing when we'd camp. Always the last to go to our tents. Not something to be so proud about.
I work on myself constantly because I know I need a lot of self improvement that is always ongoing. Right now, I'm trying to keep my mouth shout when people are doing not so correct things at work.
Just know that wishing you find someone or pining for your ex of even someone that you never dated is not going to get you what you want. Once you work on yourself and value yourself, there will be doors that open that you never experienced before. This is what I noticed when I lost weight for example. I started off at 198 lbs. I got down to as low as 150 but hovered between 155-160 these past 18 months which is my correct weight that fits my BMI.
I recall my life before I used to workout, I was invisible. I was that guy you'd walk right past. Not angry or prejudice in any way. Just non-existent. I know some of you feel that way too especially the guys. In an elevator, unless I'm blocking the buttons to the floor they want, I did not exist. Grocery shopping? Unless my cart is in the way, I did not exist. Random people on the street walking past me? I did not exist. Going to a clothing store looking for clothes? Guess what? I did not exist. I was invisible. I never knew any better so I didn't realize it at all.
Fast forward to nowadays after I Iost all that weight. I get invited to a lot of parties now. When I go shopping for clothes, I get people coming to me asking if they can help me. Strangers or even people I meet every day in the elevator at work that never gave me the time of day suddenly strikes up conversations with me. Standing at the checkout at the supermarket or Costco, they now chat up with me asking if an item in my cart is any good and asking me where I got it. Telling me that the flower bouquet in my cart looks and smells so pretty telling me that the lady I'm getting it for is very lucky (I bought it for me to liven up my bedroom) I mean even my sales lady at the Men's Warehouse that helped me runs over to me when she sees me walk into the store and knows me by name. At first I didn't notice it then when I did, I was thinking WTF?? It got so bad that I'd try to hide my flowers that I buy every couple of weeks at Costco to avoid the comments. lol
No longer invisible. So this shows that the world can be a little shallow or maybe I'm mistaken and don't understand good aura or whatever but let's face it. it was probably due to me losing all that weight. And you know what? I'm ok with it. I'm still the same person I was. Just now it seems easier to socialize. My world has changed now but not so long ago, I recall posting that I was just wasting air. Yup, I'm owning to it. But here I am now. Life is just sprouting all around me. I got more things to do than time. Just now my friends want me to join a zoom game tonight and no clue what it's even about. Loving life. Happy. Alone but not lonely. Even that will unfold one day I'm sure.
Hope this helps some of you. I may be wrong on so many counts but I do care and I'd like to see more happier posts on this site. Sometimes life is so good, I can almost see the rainbows and unicorns. haha. Nah, it's probably just the good bottle of wine I was having. Chiao peeps. I'm done with this unorganized mindless banter.
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