Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
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2020-04-27 17:21:34 (UTC)

Temper the fire ❤

Listening to: Why Can't I Fall In Love - Ivan Neville
So many people
Come walking by
Looking so happy
While all I do is cry
I just want to be
With somebody too
What I'd give for a kiss
What am I gonna do
Why can't I fall in love
Why must it, it seem so hard to find
Why can't I fall in love
I know she's out there waiting
So why, why can't I fall in love
"Never let the shadows of dark souls, temper the fire that burns in your own" ~ K.R Cash
Good Evening 🌙
I love this song, takes me back years. It's from the movie "Pump up the Volume" One of my favorite movies. There was just something so sexy about Christian Slater back then haha.

Today? There were moments of being upset at something going on in my life, that and well I did not sleep last night. I am sure I will sleep better tonight. I will take something.

I still managed to take my ass downstairs and kick ass on the gym. Sometimes, most times, especially now, it's my outlet. I kick some serious ass in the gym and get my frustrations out. Turn on some Eminem and go haha. I got out of my funk and was determined to make the rest of the day, better and I did. I worked in my garden. I pulled weeds and tomorrow I will trim some of the bushes and lay the mulch. It should look good I think. I only hope it's as beautiful tomorrow as it was today. I love being outdoors.

I so need a vacation. I need to get away from everything. I would go on a cruise but since that is out, I would like go to my cottage but they are asking people not to with this pandemic. They are afraid it will overwhelm smaller hospitals but gosh how tempted I am. Just shut everything off and go quiet. I need that time for myself. I get overwhelmed in situations with my empathy and I am feeling it with nearly everyone I talk to. While I have honestly loved having this time to reconnect with myself and set new goals and new expectations for myself. I am ready to get back to the new "normal". I won't take one minute for granted. I want to implement all the changes I intend to make in my life. I was a people pleaser and kept quiet to make others happy and avoid conflict, no more. My first step is to demand more from my work and my employer. I deserve it. If they cannot give it to me. Caio! I won't apologize for expecting more for myself. I deserve it. Sad I am learning this so far into adulthood.

I grew up in a very abusive household. My mom was very emotionally and mentally abusive. I learned to become invisible to avoid being hurt. I stayed quiet while my Dad was at work because I knew if I drew attention. I would put myself in the line of fire for the hatred she had towards me. She truly hated me because I was a big Daddys girl. I then went on to marry a physically and emotionally abusive man, that lasted 6 years. I think it was all that I learned to be a people pleaser. To turn off my feelings to appease others. I swallowed my own feelings to make others happy. That followed me into well, now. I had seen a shrink for many years, still do, although I have not seen Him since all this began I intend to go back once this settles. He helped me through so much in my life and I know there's still a ways to go. Life is ever-growing and learning. I am done letting people determine my happiness. I am going to pave my own path from this part on. So while this virus has sucked. I am coming out better than I was before and I already thought she was pretty damn amazing.

Tonight? I am working on crafts til bedtime. I already took my shower and pampered myself with a face and hair mask. I think the salon is the 2nd place I am going as soon as this ends :) I bought myself a beautiful new summer dress I am anxious to wear :) It's all about the little things.

Ok, I am off to make a tea and get to work, no more procrastinating lol
Goodnight! ❤

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