Eel

Preservation

the current state of affairs in the world is one chaotic shitshow.
and we live in a time of isolated sadness and confusion.
so i will just let my mind speak for me.

the music is loud, but i'm louder.
day 3 on sertraline. or night 3, day 4? my sleep schedule is so fucked up.
working the night shift is starting to take its toll. i can understand why people burn out of nursing so quickly now.
talent acquisition needs to get their life together and process my application faster.
i was astounded earlier by irf's emotional intelligence. he seems to know how i feel about being with someone i loved heavily and lost. perhaps i might still be infatuated, because he said he moved forward with that chapter in his life, but he gave me a heart when i told him i would always be his guy.

each time i write in this journal, echoes of my previous entries start to guide my thinking.
i try to avoid the humiliating topics, but the purpose of the journal is to reflect my truth.
i think i'm beginning to see the filters in which i see the world.
so that's nice. i still don't think life is easy. but i'm trying my best to be an adult.
i say, as i take another huge hit of a disposable wax pen.
i made some fresh memories being back at home in chicago for the quarantine.
i feel rejuvenated, but my energy is getting sapped faster than i can replenish it.
time management. time management. time management.
i need to break these old habits somehow. what do i do?