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Ramblings & RL Stories
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2020-04-21 16:53:51 (UTC)

“SCREAMS”

11:20am

Omgosh IM ANGRY!!!

Just got a call from Indio, busy day for him.
Since I was busy and wasn’t on my phone till he called, didn’t check the blocked messages. Wish I hadn’t.

Yeah, you guessed it.
“I was wrong......” and listened again to everything I did wrong. Nothing has changed, nothing will ever change. I’m going to have to change my number this bullshit continues. “You’re just like all the other women....”
“.....since you hate me so much.....”
Man, I was in an ok mood.....he just gets under my skin so bad. What the hell was I thinking.
Now, I’m angry, I’m mad, I’m shaking. The balls of that punk. He pushed me away sooo many times, never called, was never there when I needed the support. Told me to call my therapist, because he couldn’t help me. The first voicemail, was begging me to call, the second one 30 minutes later was saying never mind to basically fuck off. How he was so good to me and my son. Yeah, I don’t disagree, but he certainly was not there emotionally, nor did we communicate much after we met....except when he wanted me to come up for the weekend. No video chats, no phone calls, 2-3 texts a day, all the excuses of how busy he was with his granddaughter.....
I’m so better off. I’ve told him three times I’m tired of the bullshit. I’m tired of the negativity. Just leave me alone.
I know what days they go shopping and where they go, so will pick a different day to go. Just admit you screwed up. I’m not the one who put him down, I never was negative towards him. I told him I was upset with his comments and such, and all he could do was 1. Ask how to fix it, 2. For me not to stay mad at him, 3. Don’t take too long forgiving him. Yet, nothing changed. I was at fault yet again for not jumping when he messaged me, like he’s the center of the world. He needs to get off his high horse. Nothing changed when I told him the trust was broken. Still wanted me to come up there. Why the hell would I come back up there when you said the things you said? Hello? Don’t you flipping get it?? You don’t say crap like that and expect someone to put themselves into that situation again. Duh! Common sense.

But, enough. Man, I’m angry. I’m plum angry. I just want to ball up my fists and beat the ever living crap out of him. The nerve.

I’m working on laundry. Don’t want to bother Indio while he’s working, so going to keep it under wraps. I gotta find a way to get this outa my head. Stop checking blocked notifications.

I’m going to find something to do to get my mind off this crap.

I can’t get past the anger.....and why the hell do I feel hurt?

I’m going to sleep. My heads going places it shouldn’t.


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