Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2020-04-21 03:30:43 (UTC)

My Will To Live Is Gone...

I really, really want to die. It feels like nothing will convince me otherwise. I've tried to find ways to be happy, but its all so temporary. I cant go on the rest of my life feeling this way. This has been one year without my husband. Only one. Imagine I live to my 80's. Is that 50 or so more years, just like this one? I can't do this. I can't. There is nothing making me want to live. I fear some type of punishment, if I kill myself. I also fear failing to kill myself. I fear that I may not actually go to hell, but that I won't be with my husband again, if I were to kill myself. And that is, essentially hell. And so is my life. Before this stupid quarantine and after. I have no will to live. I go on, empty and lifeless. I need serious help. Where is God???


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