from my heart
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2020-04-21 00:07:13 (UTC)

im going to move at my own pace

8:07 pm

hi!!! i feel so bothered about the fact that my diary entries are all sooo messy but i feel like its an accurate representation of my life. everything is absolutely messy!!!!!!

anyways update from my last entry: my boyfriend and i didnt break up & things are really good between us. i honestly am starting to realize that right before my period, i get super moody to the point where i dont know how to fuckng act.... but i dont wanna tell that to my boyfriend and make it seem like excuses to be bitchy at him so i dont know.

im so glad my boyfriend is in my life though. im forever grateful that we didnt actually break up because i would actually be so devastated if that were to happen. he makes me feel so happy and i cant imagine him not being in my life. im pretty sure he doesnt know this but he kinda affected me a lot in a good way. this may sound weird but im really thankful for the fights we had because i never really confront people and he kinda lashed out on me. which helped me to confront my prblems with him therfore allowing us to address each others problems and feel happier.

im just really glad hes in my life because he is so supportive and hes so good at making me laugh by just being so silly and stupid. its so easy to tell him anything because he doesnt judge me and im so comfortable around him.

one thing he told me was "idk i just feel like youre going to be really successful" and that meant so much to me. even though he might have just been saying it and shit, it meant a lot to me because i always thought that i wasnt capable of accomplishing anything and that im just no good enough. id always compare my life to others and feel so upset at the fact that it seemed like i was so far behind. i think that if i am being truthful, i really am far behind. like for example there are people who get their shit done on time and that are just on their way to success. i always felt like i just dont have it in me to have a good happy future. i thought that i will just be homeless or something.

but these days i realize that ive been underestimating myself. i dont want to sound like im bragging or anything but i think that the reason why i feel so motivated and driven to try again and give my best shot at life is because im surrounded by people who love me and support me for who i am. they dont rush me to exhaustion but they just are there for me from the sidelines and encouraging me. i was so busy this whole time focused on myself and all of my flaws that i never realized all the love and support i was surrounded by.

i think that yeah there will be days where ill fall down and struggle but i think i can always learn to get back up. i want to be a therapist.