༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
Ad 2:
2020-04-20 14:10:39 (UTC)

🥀 roses are red 🥀

Monday 4/20/20

Ended up talking with Indio last night.
He said “I have to get my prybar to pull what’s bothering you outa you.”
Figured out why I’m angry with myself.......
Because I’m fighting the tears that want to burst out like a bursted dam. I don’t like crying, I fight it, refrain from crying most of my life.
Indio and I talked awhile, over an hour about things.
I went to bed in a better mood. Not perfect, but my SH was down to a 6, and my urge to drink was down to a 5.

Spoke with BabyFace. Bear is moving back to Illinois.
Bear never was happy here. She’s moved out here three times and never has been happy here.
She seems a little down today too.

I did some drawing today....My wrist is sliced open in three places....1. For “I” 2. For “Love” 3. For “You”.
I have a poem on the drawing .....
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Sugar is Sweet
And so are You
Razors are Red
Skins turning Blue
All of this Pain
Reminds me of You
Anger is Red
Depression is Blue
You are all Red
And I’m feeling Blue
Roses in Red
Violets in Blue
Lie on my Grave
With a note for You....
“Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I hope you know, I did this for you.”

I did a few drawings, put them in my “dark book of my room”. I do have a few positive things in the book, only because I seem to want to throw positivity into the dark circle of my life because I have difficulty accepting and understanding. If it’s a positive, then there’s a hard negative behind it.

Today I’m going to attempt to go to town. Need smokes for the week, lottery, and grab a few micro meals that Sheldon can make while I’m stuck in my room.

(Deep sigh)

Struggling. But it’s ok.
Wanting to cry, not sure what’s bothering me.

Today, I’ll be putting DD2 on an official block on my phone. No more contact after today.

I also, have to remove one of the 5 people who were added a month or so ago, that I chatted with daily. Got a picture message this morning, that upset me. There was no need, no reason for that, especially since we haven’t chatted in over a week, and, our chats were based on normal life, nothing overly personal. Really was seriously uncalled for.

But, I’m going to grab a shower and go from there