BaVo

My Reflection
2020-04-15 15:42:15 (UTC)

Day: 15 Apr 2020

She got home after spending a day in her friend's house. I texted her at 5:35pm and as expected she would not answer. I pretty much got used to this since that incident happened because i know, she still does not forgive me. Then in the evening, she texted saying "thank you so much <3" which caught me by surprise because i feel something very happy coming from her. I replied: "Why thank me?" and she calls me, with the smile that i have never dreamed that i could see it one day. She smiled. while holding a bouquet of roses and thanked me for them. Then she asks me how i knew about her address because she never gave it to me. Believe me, deep down inside, i wanted to lie about the bouquet, and i sure can gain her love again, but i can't....After what happened in the past, how can i have the guts to tell another lie again. So yes, i tell her the truth that i was not the sender. You can imagine how disappointed she feels just by looking at her eyes. After the short period of dead silence, she hung up the call and oh boy how i feel disappointed about myself.

I have been living under a strict guidance of my mom but she also taught me alot things about kindness. I guess one of my happiness is when i see someone happy because i helped them on their problems. I have been doing that since god knows when and i feel like i'm seeking it, to make myself be recognized, to make myself useful. And i guess that's when things turn out bad for me. When i help somebody, i always have like, tons of ideas to solve the problem or what i should do next. But when i love someone, why i become so...dense! All i care about is their well-beings and if i can be of their needs. And i usually forget that, surprise is the way to spice up the love life. I get so dense that i only think about realistic things and forgetting those small details...Well, another lesson learnt today, be a little bit more pro-active and don't be afraid to try out new things so that even it can only generate one bit of surprise for the one you love, at least they know that you're trying for them.




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