Esmeralda_Bramble

Like a Moth to a Flame
2020-04-13 19:18:24 (UTC)

Ovarian cysts

It’s that time again. I mentioned before I feel like I’ve grown boobs in my lower abdomen and it feels swollen and tender. It doesn’t really hurt but I feel tired, full, bloated, and nauseated. I didn’t want to do any work I just wanted to lie down. I’m lying down but not ready for bed yet. Not sure why not. The back of my hip, waist do get sore from lying in bed. I wonder if all these PMS symptoms along with depression will ever go away. I wonder how many years will I have to endure this. Sometimes I feel chest pain... not sure if I’ve developed heart condition, panic attack or just constipation. Sometimes I wonder, if I’m constipated and bloated, if it’s period related or worse. I guess lack of physical activity is making things worse.

Sometimes I wish I was more self conscious and cared more about how I look. Maybe if I were a normal person I would care to take care of myself, like be healthy, eat right, exercise, fix myself up and be more social. Maybe my life would be better and I would be happier. Maybe if I used my own brain and not let anyone or any institution or authorities dictate how I lived I would be a more normal person. Maybe I would dare to have relationships and what not instead of living a cloistered life. Sometimes I wish I were normal. But what is normal anyway? I think I have normal aspects in my life like working, eating 3 meals a day, sleeping and waking up in the morning, have a routine, pay bills. I guess the rest of me are littered within the spectrum of normality but on average my life is still skewed... and not in a good way. I know I accept my life and I don’t think I want it any other way. This is who I am and I don’t want to change anymore. I’m just tired and overthinking and I guess I should stop this and get ready for bed.




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