Broken Glass Park
[Written April 4th, Saturday]
I can't believe I've made it almost a year with my husband gone. It feels like it's been 10 years. I know I can keep going, but...
"I live in a constant state of fear and misery..."
I have to accept everything the way it is. Even if acceptance seems to make the burden lighter, it just makes me numb-as-hell. The stuff is still heavy, I just numbly carry it. Why not just let it go? Well, I'm letting go of anger as much as possible. But, reality... it's just there. I can only escape so much. I fantasize certain things before I go to sleep (not always sexual... if anyone's head is in the gutter. Lol. Sometimes, though. Not going to lie.), but I can't stay in those thoughts 24/7. Even if I could, that would de-sensitize me to them. I don't want to feel numb to the things I want! Even if I can only have them in my mind. What are those "things"? It's really only one thing...
"All I ever wanted was love."
I love using song lyrics to describe my feelings! It's like using quotes... words you can relate to.
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