༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️Caution!! Not for the weak⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
In 1982, Thomas job, a trucking company, CF, were moving them to MS.
1983, Crissy was in 6th grade, and a new school in MS.
She had a rough time adjusting to the environmental change. A lot happened from here on out that will affect how Crissy copes with life from here on out.
Crissy was in a public school this time around. Going from a private school to a public school was extremely challenging. She got teased by other girls during gym practice because she would change her clothes in the stall instead of like everyone else who changed in front of each other. One girl, Amanda, was one of the most popular girls in school, tried working on building Crissys confidence. And a small friendship started, but was short lived.
Crissy had troubles making new friends, from an all white private school, to a mixed race publicly school.
Crissy had her first experience of how people can backstab you. During recess, a girl asked her to run in to the classroom, to grab some gum out if her purse, explained where it was. Crissy runs in, gets the gum, gives it to the girl, and continued on playing with friends on the playground. The bell rings. Recess is over. They all go in to the classroom. 10 minutes into class, Crissy was called to the hallway. Not knowing what’s going on, she goes out, scared and confused. The girl, had made the charge of stolen gum and said she had seen Crissy with it. Crissy tried to explain the truth of the matter, but her voice was not heard. She ended up having to be paddled in the hallway, as class was being dismissed, where everyone witnessed the paddling. Not just one, two, or three padding’s, but 9. Her butt was sore, bruised. And she was sent home for three days.....to go home, not have her ‘parents’ listen to her either, and got more belt licks at home. She went to bed crying. Feeling the worst ever. She found in her art kit, a razor, and took her frustrations and hurt and anger out on herself. Because she felt so empty, like a dark empty hole, she started to carve out the knee cap. It bled like crazy. There was missing skin. There was no physical pain. She was numb in all emotional aspects. Nothing could hurt her from here on out she thought.
She cleaned it, covered it extremely well and went to bed. Her sleep pattern was very limited at this point. She was always expecting her ‘father’ to come in and molest her, she rarely slept. She would lay, in fear, in anticipation, waiting, wondering, trying to put her mind elsewhere.
During those three days of being home, Roseann worked. Thomas stayed home with Crissy. Things are about to get more complex. Crissy had no choice, but to withdrawal in all aspects into her safe spot in her mind. It would keep her from feeling. It would be like watching a 3D movie.
Thomas had taking those three days to really mold Crissy into what he needed and wanted her to be.
Crissy was introduced to her first real visual of pornography. The magazine “Hustler” was in between the mattress about a foot from the foot of the bed, and towards the center, so if someone was putting sheets on, they would not see it. There was also a box of condoms.
Mind you, Crissy is 12 years old now. Already had her monthly cycle, already knew of how her father said “I do this because I love you”.....
This, is the time, Crissy has to feel the first true feeling of what suffocating feels like. His heavy body on top of her little petite frame. She can’t breath. She can’t move. She can’t cry. She has no voice. To look at him would make her puke. She feels sick to her stomach. She starts to feel pain. She wants to cry, but can’t. She just shuts down, she goes numb mentally, physically. She closes her eyes.
(As the eyes close....I honestly have no memory of anything else that day)
This went on for the three days she was home and Roseann was at work.
On day 4, Crissy thought she would get a break by going back to school.....little did she know, things were to get worse. How is that even possible you may think....
Crissy is cleared to go back to school. Roseann went to work. Thomas was there. He was “on a phone call”.
(Don’t ask me where Johnny is, I have no memory of his existence during this)
Crissy goes to the kitchen, she has to go through here to go out the garage which is open, so she may wait for the bus with all the other kids.
As she walks into the kitchen, Thomas hangs up the phone. He grabs her arm. He pulls her up to the wall. He then....
(Deep breath and I’m pushing back the tears......shit, I’m crying in real life right now.....my heart is racing, tears are falling......I’ll write this when I calm down)
He pushes her tight against the wall. Unzips his pants, and with all his pressure of his body, pinning her to the wall, shoved his cock into her mouth, deep to the back of her throat.
Crissy has tears running down her face.
Thomas hands under Crissys chin, making her look up, so his nasty body part can slide better to the back of her mouth.
Crissy starts to gag.
“Don’t you dare bite me or puke on me, I will make sure you swallow every ounce of love I have for you” Thomas words ring in my head still to this day.
(I just had to go puke, I’ll have to write this chapter in very slow portions. I feel feverish and I’m lightheaded)
(I can’t tell you how long it was, it couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes, but my mind, replays it in slow motion and seems to have lasted forever.)
Crissy has to wipe her face and mouth and catch the bus, it’s outside.
She gets on the bus, a window seat, stares out, holding back the sickness she feels and the urge to puke.
Her first class, Eva W is her teacher. A teacher and a class Crissy enjoyed.
(I honestly ha no memory of the class period for that 40 minutes)
Class bell rings. Crissy sits there. She waits till all the kids are out of the classroom to get up.
Eva W stops Crissy as she starts to walk out of the classroom. She calmly and so gently, asks her to sit in the chair next to her desk.
Eva W makes small talk about the class, (I don’t remember dating anything at all)
Somehow, Eva W, asks Crissy to look at her. Crissy fights it, she doesn’t want to look at anyone, she will be unable to stay hidden in her mind. She will end up crying. But somehow, Eva W’s words “It’s ok hunny, I know” spoken almost as soft as a whisper, still ring in my memory.
Crissy looks at Eva W. Not saying a word, tears just burst like a damn cracked and the river and all it’s pressure just burst through the crack and starts a flood.
(I will stop chapter 2 here.....)