fuck. Now i'm ..
fuck. Now i'm confused,
I was so certain everything was destined for failure.
But then yesterday we had sex. We didn't just "have sex". We connected. I really felt like he wanted me.
The thing that really truly got me though,,,
We just picked up our fish and chips so we could go sit at the beach with Luna. I was excited.
But then when we were pulling in Dreams by The Cranberries started playing, which is our song. Connor said he'd imagined us getting married to this song before. It took everything in me to not burst out crying. My eyes welled up I was happy and confused and surprised.
That one sentence kind of changed my perspective on everything.
Maybe he really doesn't see all the things I see.
Maybe I'm the only one that sees all this negativity.
Or did rather.
Right now I feel much more positive than I did in my last two entries. About us at least.
I will keep trying. It's almost our one year anniversary. I'm going to make him a really pretty cake.
I just love him so much, I look at him and my heart just yearns for everything about him. Is that lame? probably.
I just figured he didn't see a future with us so when he said that it threw me a curve ball.
I just want him.. only him. The idea of being with anyone else makes me sad. I really feel like if it's not him then it's a life of singularity.