Nala Toph

Written Thoughts
2020-04-07 22:58:22 (UTC)

Assholes, friendships, and lovers

quite the tittle eh? well It's going to be quite the entry....

First off I wanted to state how bad my Girlfriend (kailan) has it, her parents are convicted criminals and they got taken away when she was 7 years old. Her mom was let out (for some stupid reason that I forgot) and got with a man named jimmy... years ago kailan met jimmy when her mom got out. jimmy was an abusive asshole who caused more than one mental disorder in kailan... (i think kailan was like 14 by now?)
anyway before I even asked her out I knew her cabinet looked like a pharmacy, but I couldn't really care how broken she is, I will fix her... eventually kailan told her mom she can either make up the years she missed for being in prison or she can be with jimmy, because she didn't want to be abused and she didn't want to see her mom get abused. Well, her mom picked Jimmy. her dad is still to this day in prison, (because the prison system likes to be harder on men)...

well I have a little triangle here... Kailan, Cruz and Myself are all good friends. but Kailan and I are kinda well... we don't like cruz very much. why? because someone who says "MMMM Master Yoda I am, eat katamine I do" over and over is really annoying. he also pretends to "Masturbate" as a joke.. like his pants are on but he does this little stroking motion with a fist near his crotch.. and he does it a lot. another thing he does a lot is say "they call me big daddy Cruz" and I never once heard anyone say that and I've known him for 4 years!!!I want to curb stomp that kid sometimes... at least really beat him up good. but violence doesn't solve anything.. In fact A friend of mine named Tristan beat him up one time pretty badly (although Tristan gave Cruz an otterpop afterwards because he still wanted to be friends.) Cruz only got more annoying. but every time he says a joke I'm one step closer to abandoning him.. I don't want to hear about him being "big daddy" I don't want to hear about how he thinks "Hitler is sexy". I don't want to see memes about hentai. I don't want to see him pretending to stroke his own penis. and for the love of god I don't want to hear about how we're unfair when it comes to letting him spout his inane sense of humor. I know he means everything as a joke but jokes are meant to be told once. not ten times over within the span of an hour! my own grandmother isn't even here for half of it and she flat out told me "he is a loser, he's going no where". I know nana can be a little mean but she never called anyone a loser... at least not one of my friends. she might not like all of my friends and she doesn't have to, but the fact that even she would go out of her way just to tell me that my own friend is a loser really goes to show how this kid is... I believe I vented about him before in this diary...

so with all of that out of the way.... let's talk about lovers
my girlfriend and I will sneak out in the night to be with each other since her grandparents are commited to this quarantine thing. (Personally I'm super suspicious and paranoid over the government trying to control us that I'm literally going outside more now simply because I hate America that much.. anyway...) we had some fun nights actually. anyone here ever had sex on the red bricks of your own backyard walk way? because I have... you know how a while ago I talked about sucking a dick and the cops got involved and I went to a Planned Parent Hood Clinic to get tested? well I went back a couple weeks ago and the gave me a whole package of condoms... I have so many... we already use almost half of it and we've only been dating for a month... and with that part of lovers out of the way let's talk about the last one..

it was back in march on the 25th... yet I didn't see until now, I hope he responds back... He was a good man.. he deserves a good partner.. I told him i wanted to break up purely because I wanted to be submissive... but there was another reason I didn't tell him, not sure why. Online relationships are just hard, I want to hug them but they aren't here.. I don't need sex, but a fucking hug would be nice! it was just too much... the desire to be whipped and the desire to be held now got too much.. he didn't deserve it. even when we broke up instead of insulting me he just left.. perhaps he insulted me in his head but that's normal for everyone. I mean hell, I literally just wrote down how I felt about Cruz but did I do any of that? no... So Leon if you are reading this and you feel bad, don't. I still love you. as true with all my ex's... because I can't let go of those feelings...