༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-04-07 16:26:54 (UTC)

Mind over addiction


Good morning

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It’s Tuesday 4/7/20
9:17am

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Went to bed in pain, (scale 10 outa 10)
Was moving mattresses and limps garbage and tossing it in the dumpster. Ended up hurting my hip/lower back.
Headache today as well (6 outa 10)

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Mind was going into the alcohol and self harm mode yesterday afternoon. Ended up getting up and moving stuff, then was in pain and came in around 730, fed the kids, took my meds and ended up crashing by 9. Didn’t wake up till the alarm went off at 7am

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Can’t go back to sleep, waiting on BabyFace to call.

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I’ll take some ibuprofen to hold me over.

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As for Indio, he’s not moving this way for another 5 months, not a bad thing. Not saying anything bad, nor good. I think he is emotionally in a different spot than me. Not sure why he likes me as much as he does. I’m blessed he doesn’t say the love word, I’d be running for the hills. DD2 did that, and he was a mess, I just didn’t see it. Yes, I miss him, but things were going downhill fast. His drug use was out of control in my opinion. He said he loved being high. He didn’t have anything positive to say about me, never listened, and so on.
I’ll be honest, Indio does or says things sometimes that remind me of DD2. It’s ok, I do know the difference, it doesn’t bother me, but those little things were the good qualities of DD2, so I’m not going to say anything.
Indio seems to be a good hearted person. He always says “I’m sorry” and I’m not sure why. I don’t know why he would be apologizing. I remember my relationships, I was saying “I’m sorry” every time I opened my mouth. So I see those words as apologizing. The only thing that scares me, is his past. It’s a scary darkness. I do know, people can change. My question is tho, that darkness, from a chemical/substance, or just a darkness within himself? It’s been since 2018. That’s not exactly that long ago. He told me his side, and I can see it. But, going through what I’ve been through, brings up that alarming thought.....what if he gets angry around me or my son, or kids and grandkids. I hear him say he’s changed....think the best road on this one, continue with caution as we build our friendship.

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Spoke with BabyFace, went ok.
Spoke with Bear a little this morning.

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Did my usual wash dishes, made coffee, took medications, took some ibuprofen, fed the cats, and back in bed for now.

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Will post this and do my morning check in with my friends


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