Jen just jen

full :: transparency
2020-04-07 05:12:18 (UTC)

If healing this sickness is ..

If healing this sickness is about eradicating the self from sabotage and that is about choosing love over fear, what do you do about the sharp reminders when others show love like it's the air they breathe, and their air has the feeling of lightness you can't seem to find anywhere. What do you do about the way it hurts to know your heart hasn't given the same warmth to your acquaintances, your small morning moments you spend in your own thoughts, or the large choices that guide you. How to you console the parts that aren't there with what you have.

This. This is the overwhelming weight of despair that's sparked by a beacon too bright for me to comprehend. There is possibility- these people who treat love like water, they are possibilities. To perceive them as threats to your own self-image is only an extension of your own darkness covering up the light. Is it?
Metabolizing jealousy into self compassion is something I've never been good at. Establishing 'me' as a center to stand on is still hard work on its own. I still haven't found the strong self trust to stand on and show up for myself, and clinging to these beacons as a judge over my own judgement- this is not something I fuck with.

So what do you do about the sharp reminders of a stronger love that cut down your best work. How do you still work with what you've got when you know it's not even great. Perspective? How do you give perspective and compassion on topics you don't own yet.

this feels like a dumb inquiry of thoughts. although it means a lot to me to know how.




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