༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-04-04 13:26:14 (UTC)

☀️Sunny☀️


7:11am

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Bear never did clean the kitchen yesterday. She washed enough to feed the kids, that was it.

Still exhausted.....go figure. (9 outa 10)
I did eat.
Been drinking my water mix.

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Scripture today:
Psalms 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit

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Sheldon is freaking out over the Asian beetles. Guess the have been biting....3 of the 5 cats got bit today, I got bit, and yes, it hurts....so he’s been freaking out every time one gets on him.

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Babyface didn’t call last night like she said she would.
So I will call her this morning.

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Watching a little tv today. Haven’t done this in 2-3 months. Watching some NCIS with LL cool J, used to watch all these shows, law & order CI and SVU, blue bloods, criminal minds, Chicago PD.....etc.

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Got invited to crash at someone’s house, but have never met, this friend has always freaked me out. Something doesn’t seem right with this one. I can’t place my finger on it. But even 3 months ago something seemed off. Ended up blocking him, but he made new profiles and would re message me. Talked on the phone twice. Seems mellow, quiet, raises a kid, but still, doesn’t seem right. Glad we are on lockdown.
I was told they are giving out tickets for people not doing what’s expected, stay at home and 6 feet apart.

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Indio recorded some stuff in Spanish and sent it to me, oh my heavens. 🤣😂 why does English sound so boring. We do scriptures together which is so cool! I have the disability where I don’t comprehend what I read. Sad, I used to read non stop when I was younger. Now, nothing sticks. Does a messenger call if I don’t pop in after a few hours to check on me.

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Talked to RiverMan about the cool craft skills. Very talented person! So much energy and kayaking and biking daily. Lost a ton of weight, and seems to enjoy life to the fullest! That’s where I wanna be. That comfortable and self confident.

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Then, there’s Morgue. Has had one hell of a rough life. I can’t imagine. Morgue was impressed I did a background check....yes, I do that even with friends. I didn’t ask prior, just did it, and asked questions based on what I seen.

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There’s DJ, don’t chat too much. Offered coffee as friends after this mess clears but really don’t talk about things in particular.

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There’s Jams....we don’t chat much but sends me some funny videos daily just to get me to crack up....and I mean they are funny as all hell. I’ve ended up passing some along to DD3 who I know enjoys laughing at them too.

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There’s PhotoMan, we don’t chat, but he asks me everyday for a photo, sent a weather pic yesterday, and he laughed his ass off 🤣😂
I have two that I don’t have names for yet, just haven’t gotten a name that fits right. One knows the same people I know, so I try not to chat much with that one. The other two, just the usual hey, how’s it going, good day, good night type conversations.
So out of the 8 new people, they all bring something different to my life. Three of them are ones I can trust and show or talk about certain things of me or my life.
I have, made it clear, I’m in no way, wanting to date anyone right now.... I’m just here to build friendships....what will happen, will happen.
One wants to read this to get to know me better, I said no. Didn’t end well with the last one I shared with. It’s all good tho. This is a part of who I am. I’m human. I have struggles just like everyone else. Only difference, I am sharing my struggles, my strengths, my falls, my accomplishments with others I don’t know. Maybe someone out there, needs to see that they are not alone. I don’t go reading others journals, not why I’m here. I’m here for myself, and my therapist can read it and then we talk about them during my weekly sessions.

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NasCar and his woman are struggling with this lockdown. I certainly was not the right woman for his life, I don’t move that fast in any relationship....I’m just old school. I’m normally friends for awhile before I even ponder the date thought.

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DD2 was the one exception to that.....and we see how that turned out. It’s all good tho. I don’t have regrets. It all happened for a reason. I doubt I’ll ever figure that reason out, but that’s ok. I am certain, things will never be as they were. He said some pretty hurtful things, all the negativity about me, which you can not erase, and the words that were said will forever remind me, and we will never be able to try again.
I’ve always said, it’s not what people do that you remember, it’s how they made you feel. For over a month, I felt like crap with snide comments.....he didn’t sit and listen, but criticizing me when I would try to talk about something bugging me, kids, health, etc. put down the “I will not tolerate “ but I couldn’t have issues that bugged me.
It’s all good. I love, I loved, and don’t regret it.

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Those are the friends I chat with, as well as some friends I call family.

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Still super tired today (9 outa 10)
I can’t figure out what’s causing the exhaustion.
I know I only had a half a pot of coffee yesterday, and that’s all I plan on today as well. Trying to drink more water, hoping it will help. But it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick.

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I’m going to try my best to get something done today.
1. Move the mattresses to the garage
2. Break down boxes for Barbie.
3. A load of laundry
4. Clean the full kitchen and keep up on it
Now, the first two are the two I will focus on. I don’t know how accomplished I will be being this damn tired....and I know, moving the mattresses will drain whatever ounce of energy I have.

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I often wonder how Ms Drama is doing. I haven’t been to Alanon in a few months. If I can get a vehicle, I may try going back once this lockdown is lifted. I’m sure the three women from the group I bonded with are all struggling with this lockdown. I was upset she never messaged me back with my breakdown last year. I have grown in some aspects since then, so will put the effort in, and send a message to each one and see how things have been. Will show I still think of them and still care. You can never have too many people for support. Just has to be good support. I’m strong enough to weed people out now that can’t be supportive and positive. Maybe that’s why DD2’s path crossed with mine, to show me, I can be aware of the red flags, I CAN stand up for myself, and know I deserve to be treated like a human being, with accomplishments, struggles, just like any other human being.

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(Deep sigh)
The blisters on my wrist are finally healing. I did those over a week ago when I was up with DD2 and the family. They are so bad, it’s going to leave scars. The cuts on my thigh are still healing up, and it’s been 3 weeks. One is finally drying up and not bleeding anymore. I knew that one needed stitches.
(Another deep sigh)
I haven’t done any SH in a week, so that’s a good thing. Means, I’m getting better now that the chaos is out of my life. I miss the family....the sweet little voice yelling “Tina! Tina!” 🤣 such a sweetie. It’s ok.

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8:22am

I’m going to vegetate and wait for BabyFace to call, I’ve tried 19 times, no answer, no busy signal.....wondering what the heck is going on at the hospital. Phone times start at 8.....
then try to say hello to everyone and get rolling on things I need to get done.

Sun is shining! It’s going to be a beautiful day!!

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