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2020-04-03 14:05:57 (UTC)

Life is like a Battery


Friday 4/3/20
7:30am

God, grant me the serenity to accept he things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Laid in bed for about an hour before deciding to get up. Pitter patter of kids and begging cats got me up....so have coffee brewing and waiting on BabyFace to call.

It’s going to rain today.

I tried reading some scriptures last night. I didn’t do my bible study online.. tried doing it alone.
Had slept most of the afternoon....so ended up touching base with people who wanted to chat.

Sheldon and I tried fixing my platform bed, so far, so good. But still think the gel memory foam needs to be turned.

Been extremely cold lately. Noticed I’m dehydrated. I need to get back into my water intake.

Nothing is planned today, other than cleaning the house. Will start in my room. I need to finish getting the winter clothes put up, and summer clothes brought out. Been slacking on that, spring just doesn’t want to truly show up it seems.

Rads birthday is on Sunday. So we won’t be able to go to the Dells like I had planned. Will have to figure something else out.

Other than that, I’m ok. I’m reminding myself to let go. If I have to keep handing it up, then so be it. I will continue to pray that things will work as they are to go. I can not change anything but myself, and that alone, is a full time job.

I did accomplish going outside yesterday, even tho it was too cold for me. I did accomplish to stand up for myself. So, there is growth.

I will be back after my brain fully wakes up. I’m going to make sure, today is a productive day, either emotionally, or physically.

Till later....


8:15am

Called BabyFace the same time she was calling me.
She claims she is moving to Ripon with Barbie in 14 days. Bad idea. In my opinion, she is not ready. Nor is her unstable roomie a good idea. Barbie is a drug user. It’s an extremely bad idea to have BabyFace move in around that mess.
She has GQ sending her stuff. BabyFace didn’t tell me, Bear did. I guess Babyface has been causing drama and I’ve not been aware of it. She told GQ stuff and now GQ is angry at me and Bear. The typical crap.
(Deep sigh)
Remind myself:
I can not control others actions, behaviors, nor choices. I can only control mine. I did not argue, nor state my concerns about that situation. I have done so previously, and it did not end well, so there is no point rehashing it again. My views have not changed on the situation.
So, all I can do is sit back, and focus on myself. Let her aware that I love her, and pray that things go differently so a disaster is diverted.

I seem to be praying for everyone else in my life. Maybe I should be praying that God will show me the road I need to take to better myself.
I spoke with DD3 last night, and the emptiness I feel is love. I have love for many people, but don’t seem to have someone in my life to give me the love I give everyone else. Sheldon seems to be the one person in the physical aspect who can show me love. BabyFace, Barbie, Bear, GQ all don’t show me. Not sure if they are unable to, or just don’t. I certainly dot fret over it, I just accept it.

Bear is in the kitchen complaining about the fact she has to wash dishes to feed the kids. Um, yep, I didn’t wash the dishes they have dirtied up. Got sick of spending over an hour washing dishes and then by the next morning there would be two sink full yet again. So only been washing my stuff and Sheldons, and that’s 4 dishes for the whole day.
She is doing the yelling at the kids. They don’t listen to her. She asked me last night if I could get Rad to do his chores. I stood in front of the tv, and every five minutes, Rad, lets go. There is no structure, no discipline when it comes to the kids. But when I suggest something, she tells me “you don’t know what you’re talking about”. My girls will never change their opinions nor views about me. Nor am I going to try anymore.

I must say, I am doing ok. My mind drifts off quiet often to DD2, and the situation, and when I catch myself, I tell myself “Rehand it back up....stop picking it back up”. There is nothing more I can do. I have to stop trying to fix something, that clearly is one sided. I did check my messages, and to my surprise, there was none. Why I am surprised, I have no clue, it should be obvious. DD2, was clearly unable to accept what was offered, and unable to be truly supportive when it came down to it. That’s ok. Despite the ending of it all, I gained growth. I didn’t tolerate the negativity, and I recognized the signs before it was too far into it. So, I’m proud. I have grown. I can see the struggles unlike what I used to do. I used to make excuses. Or tell myself, maybe they are right. And would sink into this dark hole. I’m not like that this time around.
Kudos to myself 🤣.

But, I’m going to enjoy more coffee, and then, yes, do my usual load of laundry. Yes, I seem to do laundry daily 😂.

Till later.....

Life, is like a battery.....
You must have the negative and the positive to make it work.


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