༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
Ad 2:
2020-03-31 17:19:42 (UTC)


Good afternoon.

Been a busy morning. Was torn between the idea or making him move his own crap, or doing it for him. I decided to move the crap outside so he has no reason to go in.

Got all limps stuff out of the garage. Engines and everything. Was a pain and my back is killing me, but everything is out on the side of the driveway. I’m locking up the garage and waiting for his uhaul and hope things go smoothly. Just grab and go. Don’t argue with me, nothing. Just go. I will not help load the uhaul. I did more than I should have already.

I explained that there’s been no change like I asked for, so for three months he made his choice and now must live with it. The door after today will be shut, closed, chained, and no way back opened.

I will be doing the same for DD2....I called this morning, hope to get some answers....if not, well, I have no choice for my own growth. I’m not sure where things stand, but as I’m aware, any relationship, friendship or more, you are to work things out together. Always pushing me aside to figure things out on your own, does not show me much. I get sometimes you have to, but I guess it’s the way it’s done. I need answers, and I will ask those answers tonight, and hope things go as my heart wants, but if not, just means I rebuild some walls and wait it out. It’s going to hurt, I know, but with pain comes growth they say. I will not understand how something that feels so right in so many ways could be so short lived. I will never understand why....or what the purpose was. Maybe the lesson wasn’t for me to learn, but him? I am praying daily that things find a way of coming clear and this works. I am a complicated person, but underneath that complicatedness is a beautiful soul.

I’m not asking for much. I ask that I be treated like I deserve. I’m human. I have deep feelings. I love too hard. I love completely. I give everything I have in everything I do. I try hard, no matter what. I’m a survivor. I continue to find strength within myself.

(Deep sigh) (chuckles) that’s the one thing DD2 teased me about in a good way, all the deep sighs I take.

I don’t understand. I probably never will. Makes no sense to me. It hurts.
I often wonder, how much hurt and pain does a person endure before they are not repairable? Why is it said, that nothing is more than you can handle? I sometimes feel my heart is so broken, it will never mend. There comes a time where the broken pieces can’t be fixed. They become too shattered. What’s the point in that?

Can this be mendable? I’d like to think so, but that’s work on my part because of the hurt. I can forgive, and I’m sure the hurt is repairable....in time. The question is, is the repair going to be done alone? Or with help? I will pray the good Lord helps me along the way.

But....I am going to sit and wait for Limp. Pray it rains and his crap gets wet 😂🤣 not my responsibility. I did more than my share.

Going to relax a bit.

Till later....
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept he things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference