Where Pelicans Fly
April 2020 (2)
4/12/2020 Sunday midnight
It's kind of funny how I was thinking that my journals wouldn't be understandable in 20K years as language evolves when my oldest ones are barely understandable now. Yeah, I was a really shitty writer. I’m not about to go through 10K pages of journals, though, when I still don't think I'll actually share them after I'm gone, and even if I did, changing them too much takes away from what they were/are.
Almost 109K people have died from the virus. Again, we don't mind being locked down. We're homebodies who do well with extra time on our hands for the most part, but it's getting kind of old at the same time. We have to schedule groceries for delivery days in advance, they're out of damn near everything, I worry my cavities may worsen before I get back to the dentist, and having to wear a mask when we go out gets old, too. My face is hypo puffy but small by stature at the same time, so using my long floral scarf covers me easily.
Still love how much quieter it's keeping the roads and the skies, though. it's been dead quiet tonight. This is the way it should be every night everywhere. I'm sure I'll hear some small planes or helicopters at some point but so far, it's been wonderful.
Went for a half-hour walk at dusk, and it was nice.
Only I could gain 3 lbs in one day, LOL, even if it's my fault because yesterday I ate mostly processed stuff and too much of it. Didn't exercise either. Thank God I discovered the power of low carbs so I can lose those few pounds in no time. If I hadn't done my research and homework on this thing, I would have probably gained steadily all my life. I mean, why would any doctor be smart enough to tell me about it, right? I’m still hypo, though, so it's not going to have the kind of long-term effect it would have on most people. It isn't just that processed foods puts weight on me but it's definitely not good for me and is more expensive. Luckily for me I have learned to cook, and I actually enjoy it too.
They now have all the old pavers in the island removed and sitting in a pile around the wooden frame they were in. Really hope whatever they do to fill it in and make it smooth doesn't wake me up. I don't think it will since it's a few houses away. Hopefully, car doors slamming won't wake me up tomorrow either since I'm guessing that most people are going to want to come here for Easter instead of the other way around since the people here are old and shouldn’t be going anywhere.
Yeah, thanks to Easter and people shopping online like crazy, even though Walmart now limits you to only two items per order, I can't get any fucking eggs. I'm going low-carb for at least 6 weeks and I doubt that 6 weeks of eggs would kill me. That is when I can get them.
We ran out to Rite Aid earlier with our homemade masks. Some people were wearing masks and some weren't. They put a shield up at the register. We went straight for what we wanted and got out of there fast. I was surprised the store wasn't crowded. I didn't get any snacks, but he got a couple of packs of Zingers. He swears he's never having chips again since they mess up his stomach.
I got my mini bottles of wine and took the last 6 merlots along with a couple of others. So anyone coming in after me looking forward to mini merlots will be disappointed.
I definitely do have TMJ be it because of my ear surgeries or not, because last night the pain I had definitely radiated within my jaw.
My nails are getting better, but I still have some of that reddish-purple discoloration as well as some lifting in a few nails. The yellow tinge has lessened quite a bit. It's hard not to run and polish them. I hate for my nails to be unpolished!
Read more about the sterile saline water they fill the uterus with to enlarge it a bit in order to get better images. They can't do it if you're pregnant, though. I'm definitely not going to have this done. I might have considered the ultrasound if it didn't take 30-60 minutes, but no thanks. As long as I'm not having any problems, I’m not interested.
Didn’t work on my story yesterday, so back on with that tonight.
4/13/2020 Monday 1:25 AM
I changed not only the cover of my book on NaNo but also the title to Perfect Pitch. The doctor in the story is going to have a safe and the nanny will remember the tones she hears whenever the doctor unlocks it so she can rip her off and all that while she hides out next door with her gorgeous neighbor as they plot against her and so on and so forth.
I lost one of the 3 lbs I gained but don't know if I really want to go keto for 6 weeks. In reading more about it, I found that you typically don't get long-term results from it. About 2 weeks is normal. Besides, I kind of like myself as I am and would rather just be whatever I was meant to be. Well, within reason. I would still like to keep from gaining. Might not be down another pound tomorrow, though, because I'm polishing off the last of the no-nos.
Decided not to do daily prompts anymore on Prosebox because it was beginning to feel too much like a homework assignment, and I got sick of doing it.
Not much else to say other than that I'm enjoying the wonderfully peaceful nights and our beautiful weather. Still getting a little chilly really early in the morning, though.
Wonder how many times my GYN’s office will attempt to reach me tomorrow.
4/14/2020 Tuesday 7:05 AM
I can hear the freeway which means I can hear planes as well. Yesterday, I was just falling asleep when I heard a loud rumbling. Right outside the bedroom window and close enough to read the writing on somebody’s shirt, was a huge truck with the new pavers for the island area. A forklift was pulling them off the truck and setting them down by the island. Fortunately, they weren't there long, and I was able to sleep okay. I can just imagine the hammering to come, though. As I said a million times, this place is ridiculous. One annoying thing after another.
Sure enough, there was a message from my GYN’s office. She must really be worried for me or miss the hell out of me, LOL. They didn't call until 4:30.
Biden is talking about lowering the age of Medicare to 60 if he gets elected, but it's all talk until and if I ever see otherwise. It’s more of a concern about who gets into the Senate and the House as opposed to who gets elected president. Where Liberals believe in that saying, “live and let live,” for Republicans it’s all control, control, control. I don't know why they feel they have to change others and try to force them to be like they are. We can be who we are without changing others, but they don't seem to get this.
What I don't get is why Republicans would want people to be without their basic needs. Is it just funny to them? Do they get off on it? Is it all about knowing they can control people and the thrill of having power over them? Or do they just not understand what it's like to have to do without things since they've never been down that road themselves?
Yes, there are a lot of welfare bums out there. There are a lot of people on welfare that shouldn't be. But some people really truly do need help and I don't think they understand or get that. People that have never had to do without seem to automatically assume that others haven't had to do without or that there’s no need for them to, almost as if they asked to get in a jam in the first place and can quickly correct it at the snap of their fingers. Well, that's not the way it works, you over-privileged, pathetic shitsters!
When I was going through all my tarnished and nasty-looking toe rings, I noticed a silver one with blue gemstones that still looks brand new. I looked it up in our Amazon orders and found that it has a zirconia coating which keeps it from tarnishing. I put it on one of my toes and it looks dazzling. :-) If it continues to look as nice as it does now, I'll get another one in a different color at some point.
It’s now looking like Cali’s lockdown will end on the first. Good! Then he can finally get a job and I can get my cavities filled. We talked about how him making a lot of money might make it tempting to stay a few more months to save more in order to give us even more options for moving, but I can't believe he'd ever be paid fairly for once in his life. I think that if anything up there is going to try to trap us here it's going to do it with my health. I don't know what or how, but that would be my first guess.
I'm editing journal entries pertaining to this shit I went through with the termites to make it a little more readable. I don't know if I'll send it to them or if they'll eventually stumble upon the excerpts on their own if they haven’t already, but I do intend for them to see them someday. And get the last word. :) I just want to wait till we've been gone for over a year so that if they get this address and send anything, it won’t be forwarded.
What bothers me is that Tom has to leave not only his email address on his apps in the app store but our address as well. I just hope they're not smart enough to think to look this up. If they really want to get contact info, though, all they have to do is pay for it.
4/16/2020 Thursday 3:11 AM
Not much to report other than that I'm enjoying the way the lockdown is keeping things quieter around here even if I miss going out whenever wherever with no face mask and would like to get my cavities taken care of. However, it's been a whole two weeks since the saw cock has been around, so I'm sure the bastard will be over anytime now to do its thing. Especially with me rolling onto days where I’ll be awake to hear it unless I hibernate in the bedroom with the air cleaner on high.
The motorcycle came in again at 1am which should be leaving anytime now. People visiting where my parents lived in the 80s and 90s in the middle of the night in a car was probably unheard of let alone on a motorcycle of all things. It's not as loud because it can't come up Astro with the island closed off, but once it can, it could wake me up without the extra sound machine. So I'm going to have to go with double protection even at night until it gets cold again in November. If we weren't planning to get out of here next year, I would be very tempted to hunt and confront the prick. Pretty sure the fucker is on the dead-end in back.
I lost the few pounds I gained when slacking off my low-carb diet, and again, I thank God I thought to research this diet because while I can never lose more than a few pounds with my disease, it's a quick and easy way to get back down after gaining a few pounds which I'm sure I'll do at times. Definitely not as hard and as hungry as when I used to go low-cal, though I am a bit hungrier today because I went down 1.6 lbs in one day. It's okay to have extra carbs once a week, though. Like the rice milk I wanted to try that I got. It's the best-tasting milk ever because it's so sweet.
My GYN finally gave up on me. I wonder if every Monday until she leaves, her office is going to call wanting to get me in that week, LOL.
Going for a walk at 6:30 when the sun will start coming up and send the skunks off to bed. I went for a midnight walk the other night, avoiding the street the skunks are more likely to be hanging out on and didn't see anything I didn't want to see.
4/17/2020 Friday 4:18 AM
Now I not only have a mysterious lump at the base of my neck, but mysterious cramps, too. Pretty sure they're coming from my uterus, though I'm not having any bleeding. I wish to hell I'd needed a hysterectomy decades ago when I was younger and tougher. That way I not only would have skipped out on tons of periods over the years, but I also wouldn't have to worry about anything going wrong with body parts I didn't have.
Yesterday I walked the entire park perimeter for the first time in ages. It took me 40 minutes to go the 2 miles. I did a little bit of jogging along the way. Before I even got back, I noticed I had faint cramps. They picked up a little when I got home and I had to take Ibuprofen. They came and went for the rest of the day. I know that exercise can induce period-like cramps, but I still worry. With us now in our final year here I'm naturally going to be paranoid about anything bad coming up at the last minute to hold us back. It seems that from what I read it can be anything from the uterus lining thinning with age to fibroids which are usually non-cancerous to uterine cancer. Hopefully, it's nothing serious and might not even be coming from any of my lady parts, even though it seems to be.
I don't know if I was dreaming or if I really had cramps in my sleep, but I woke up an hour or two earlier than expected. So I'm a little tired today and therefore I don't know if I'm going to do any walking. I am going to sprint for as long as I can stand on the treadmill later on because I want to see if it induces cramps or not to get a better sense of what it may be.
My main reason for not going to the GYN is still that the exams they want to do are too painful. And even if they weren't but I needed any kind of expensive medical procedure, it could really delay the move. This is an independent nation. We're expected to take care of our own medical needs and right now that's the last thing we need.
Right after my last entry, there wasn't one but two fucking motorcycles that went tearing out of here at 3:30 yesterday morning. They sounded like they came up out of the circle. Probably from that cock across from Dixie.
Had a dream we were living in a rural place. It didn't seem like any place we’d ever moved to but because it was so vivid, I wonder if it was a glimpse into another dimension. I was standing at the end of a long winding driveway in a wooded area similar to Jesse’s. I gazed across the street and looked at these two, two-story houses that were about 200 feet from the road and 400 feet apart from each other and thought how perfect they would be for us.
Then I turned and headed back to our place. I don't know what it looked like or if we were renting the place or not, but towards the foot of the driveway about 50 feet into a thinly wooded area, was another house. A woman went to visit a woman that lived there, and I thought I saw some exercise equipment when they opened the door to let their visitor in.
Aly’s 39 today. Finally found Molly's account again now that she mentioned her group home in her tweets along with her name. Can't believe she's connected to the guy in Iowa that beat her, but then I can. Wonder what she meant, though when she tweeted, “I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me the most. I’m sorry if it was not me holding your hand. I’m sorry about your loss. I’m sorry I choose to leave than staying by your side.”
Sorry about what loss?
Anyway, I’m surprised she never mentions me. Maybe she really can move on from some people. Even though her tweets are private, Aly hasn't tweeted in a while. I wonder if she's not too happy with Molly right now and is giving her the silent treatment.
4/18/2020 Saturday 9:06 AM
Why did I just get a notification on my phone from WhatsApp when nothing new is there? Oh, wait. Someone named Kim with a business account that's in the medical field contacted me saying she was on WA now. She likely sent it to me by mistake.
Edited and posted the excerpts documenting the termites’ shit and even allowed for anonymous comments. Just curious if anything comes in. I really want to be careful while we're still here so I decided that when we move I will unblock them and see if they message me. If they message me first, I'll send them the link to the excerpts. If they don't, I'll wait a year after we've moved and then send it. I definitely do want them to see them if they haven't already.
The park is fucking with us again. There was a notice demanding that we weed this and trim that, blah, blah, blah. But that's what he's been doing the last couple of days! Who the fuck do these people think they are anyway, our parents? I feel like a fucking kid all over again... Do your homework, clean your room...well, we're not fucking children! Yet I almost feel like I'm on probation. We're going to do what we're going to do, and they can go fuck themselves.
It's ironic that it comes the day after I leave an anonymous message about nighttime motorcycles and my first thought was, holy shit, they somehow know it's me! But then complaints didn't always follow past messages so I'm sure it's just a coincidence. Joy can still shove a rolling pin up her ass.
They had their fucking parade again yesterday instead of the 15th, but they didn't go around the circle, so it wasn't that loud.
Yesterday I did a quick run just to see how my uterus would react. I had faint intermittent cramps yesterday and was seriously beginning to worry that I might possibly have uterine cancer even though I wasn't bleeding. I definitely have several risk factors... Being fat, over 50, starting periods early, not hitting menopause by 51, never having kids.
Uterine cancer is rare but then so is circadian rhythm disorder and atresia.
Then Tom had an interesting theory I never thought of and it seems like he could be right. I sure hope so, anyway! I contemplated getting the ultrasound done and over with next week so I would either get the peace of mind of knowing that everything was okay or God forbid told what I don't want to hear, especially when we're trying to save all we can to get out of here next year. But then he suggested that due to my taking my medication more often and my thyroid levels being close to normal, that's likely what triggered the late period. He thinks the cramps were my body trying to generate another period. It makes sense and I do hope he's right, even though my dumbass body should know it’s getting too old for this shit.
I did some spells as I was falling asleep yesterday and today I've been fine which is quite a relief. I've had enough of doctors anyway!
Today I did another two-mile walk/jog and felt great. Went a little earlier than I should have because it was still dark by the time I hit Oak. Never saw any skunks, though. The turkeys started gobbling even while they were still up in the trees. Never saw any vehicles. Just one dog walker. Love how the smell of Jasmine is more prominent now. So with the exception of a few planes, it was a very peaceful walk.
4/19/2020 Sunday 9:01 AM
I love it when I have funny dreams instead of the usual depressing or scary ones. But first, I hope today is quieter than yesterday. The road is still closed and there is still less traffic overall which is great and not as many planes, but I swear I heard five or six different rounds of landscaping in the area yesterday which is ridiculous. So it isn't just every day but multiple times a day.
I'm a little light-headed today because I'm in ketosis but my weight is as low as it will go so I'm adding a few more carbs today with some OJ.
First I had some kind of dream that had to do with discussing significant weight loss with my doctor.
The funny one was where the termite wanted a job as a titty dancer and was turned down. She stormed off dejectedly, and I was surprised when the guy said I could have the job even though I'm much older and heavier than the last time I worked the T&A clubs.
I turned down the job because of my sleep disorder but then out of curiosity, I decided to show up that night since I’d be available just to see how much I could make. I may have been older and heavier, but I did have big ones.
I tried to explain to one of the women who work there that I wouldn't be able to dance every night and why but of course she didn't get it. I asked how often I would dance not knowing if they rotated their dancers or what and she said, “Anytime you can.”
So I changed into my costume and applied my pasties when I began to dance about the customers at their tables. The place looked more like a diner than a club. There was no stage or anything like that. Then I realized I forgot my heels so I quickly ran and slipped those on.
One of the customers I danced for was a police officer but he didn't seem very friendly. So I wound my way through the tables where a bunch of younger guys sat and then I realized I hadn't told Tom where I was going and that he may be worried, wondering where the hell I was. I danced a while longer and then decided I would call and have him pick me up.
When it came time to collect my earnings for the night, I found that I hadn't gotten a single cent. Instead, my payment was 18 slices of bacon.
4/20/2020 Monday 8:00 AM
I hear something loud cruising around out there and it’s only 7am. Ridiculous. If you can’t get peace in a retirement community, where can you get it? Perhaps the Florida panhandle? Well, that's one option. We looked at what was available in that area as far as land with newer houses goes and it would definitely be a lot more peaceful there. Unfortunately, it can freeze during the winter but overall the winters are much warmer there. We never have 75-degree days in December or 80-degree days in January here.
I looked at crime and racial demographics to get an idea of where there may be more poverty and crime like gang activity to avoid and as long as we don't go up to the state border, we should be okay. This is just one of many options, though, because it's still way too soon to decide on anything for sure.
The more shit I have to put up with here, the less open I am to going to another park. Unless it's an amazing house with an amazing view in an amazing location within the park and an amazing location around the park, I think I would prefer to return to country living. Just being able to have our own private little inflatable pool that we can use any time of night or day without having to worry about it being closed or wild brats being around would be nice.
As expected, I'm up a pound even though I shouldn't be. So I decided that it would be pointless to go low-carb every single day. Whenever I bottom out and my weight goes into auto-reset, it won't kill me to indulge in a few processed goodies for variety. Then when I'm up a few pounds, I can low-carb the few pounds back off. Still don't know why my body won't let its weight off but I guess it must feel it needs it. It hasn't killed me yet, though.
Groceries will be delivered in about an hour and I'm going to enjoy a lazy day. Did a lot of work yesterday on various things around the house so it's nice to relax every now and then. Not even going to go out walking. It's very cloudy out there today and only expected to get up to 70 degrees. They called off the rain, though. After tomorrow we’ll be in for summery weather until November.
I still have cramps on and off and lately, they seem to be concentrated more on my right side. Can't be a hundred percent sure they're coming from any of my lady parts but it seems like they are. Still don't think anything is wrong, though. I'm not about to run to doctors every time I feel something funny. Unless I'm in tremendous debilitating pain, I'm not going to doctors other than for my usual check-ups.
4/21/2020 Tuesday 5 PM
I can’t get in the mood to work on my story today. It’s just not the greatest story I’ve ever come up with. I’ve still got plenty of time to hit my 10K-word goal, though.
The saw fanatic came around yesterday after just one day shy of 3 weeks, but fortunately I didn’t hear much sawing. He actually spent more time indoors than outdoors being annoying.
Today it was my other side to go cramping on me. Really hope it’s just gas! I think so since it’s unlikely to be on the sides if it was my uterus. It’s also unlikely for one ovary to pick on me one day and then the other the next day.
Love how much quieter traffic is with the lockdown and the island closed. Oh, I still hear plenty of loud vehicles and there were a handful of low-flying helicopters today too, but nothing like usual. This won’t last forever, though. Personally, I’m ready to take on more noise so I can get my teeth done and he can get a job to help get us out of here. He’s enjoying the lockdown, though, because he has so many things that he’s enjoying doing that he couldn’t do much of while working so many hours. Some of it will hopefully help us get out of here, too.
I’d be more than willing to work my ass off if there was a way I could do so from home that would be profitable other than just a few bucks here and a few bucks there on books that rarely get bought or downloaded.
It's 78 degrees inside the house and I love being able to go sleeveless and barefoot once again. I have the fan on now. Looking forward to the summery weather we should have for the next half a year.
Although I know I shouldn't have, I couldn't resist befriending Molly from my health account. I just changed the name and got rid of any tweets that might give me away. After she accepted, I went private. It’s amazing how much information I can get out of her, much of which she volunteers on her own. She wasted no time telling me about that guy Caesar that attacked her many years ago. It was the first thing she told me when she first reached out to me over a decade ago. She's still the exact same Molly overall.
Although it may be wrong, she'll always be none the wiser as long as Aly doesn't happen to find out who I am and give her a heads-up. She can see the bogus name of Penny and my false bio about being an animal-loving Christian who plays tennis, but nothing else.
I became curious when I read some of Molly’s tweets about being dumped and noticed that Aly’s account disappeared. I was starting to think she might be referring to Aly after tweeting that “unknown guy” was telling her he was dumping her because she was bad for his mental health, something Aly would say. I thought that maybe that was Aly's way of telling her how she felt but then I realized that Aly wouldn't pretend to be someone else while explaining why she was dumping someone. The tweets about being sorry for not being there for her have disappeared, another thing that made me think Aly dumped her.
Then I asked her who her besties were, and sure enough, she was very quick to give names. A couple of girls in Marbridge and Aly as well. So if Aly has dumped her, she doesn't know it. I doubt Aly would ever dump her at this point and I'm sure she'll create a new account to connect with her on anytime now. And block me, of course.
4/22/2020 Wednesday 1:14 PM
Kim is driving me crazy with long rambling messages again mostly about the virus and June. My first thought was that it’s time to cry speaker/mic problems and go back to texting. It's easier to skim words with my eyes than her 15 minutes' worth of telling me the same old, same old.
But then again, I know what she's saying so there's no reason I can't just skim through the first few seconds of the many messages. I don't have to listen to every word.
But really, I tell her that her 14 messages are a bit too much and I wake up to 17. Stupid, stupid, dumbass idiot! And the funny thing was that she said she agreed to cut back. I'm so fucking sick of mental cases! People like her, Molly, Marie and the termites are no longer the kinds of people I can stomach. It's one thing to be moody every now and then like we all are, but it's another thing to be insane and always miserable. I don't care if I sound mean or if these people can't help being the way they are. I just can't tolerate and deal with them anymore. I see what they mean when they say people get less tolerant with age. I'm just tired of those who are always down or angry, those who are totally stuck on themselves without much empathy if any at all, and those who just don't listen to a damn thing you say. If you can't do a simple little favor like cutting your messages back, what can you do? I do appreciate the way Kim is always there but her being home all the time is really making her one hell of a pest. Especially when she keeps telling me the same things over and over again. I need sane, considerate, compassionate, honest, and at least somewhat intelligent/normal people in my life!
Been bringing my dream blog up to date. I stopped updating it in 2016, so I'm bringing it up to date from there little by little, pulling dreams from journals.
Interestingly enough, I had a dream about Ruth O, though I can't remember what it was about. Sorry, I can't call her Aunt Ruth because she never cared to be an aunt to me.
Took the bikes out for the first time this year. Definitely going to be a while before I get back in riding shape but I was off to a great start. All the walking and jogging I do helps. Bob and Virginia were driving out as we were heading out, so it was nice to say hello to them and let them see we’re still alive and all that.
Some guy walking a dog in a motorized wheelchair commented on my colorful bike as I passed by. Not sure if I’ll take it with me when we move, though, since it’s not the greatest bike. Also, I just looked at adult tricycles and would LOVE to get one when we move. Because I’m so short, I have to jump off the seat when stopping, even with 24” wheels. With smaller wheels, my feet reach the pavement, but I’m underpowered, especially going uphill. On flat land like in Florida, smaller wheels would be fine but if I stuck with 24”, I wouldn’t have to jump off the seat. I don’t like the ones where you sit low to the ground. They just don’t look like they’d be much fun. Plus, they’d really restrict your view.
They could finish laying the new pavers down in the island today which will kind of suck because then the motorcycles and other ferociously loud vehicles can zoom right by the bedroom. It's going to be horrible once the lockdown is lifted so I just gotta remind myself it's only for one more year.
Eager to move or not, Tom wishes he could be permanently retired. He loves his life now. He said he could never get sick of coding, writing, gaming, exercising and taking care of the outside. I’m enjoying the lockdown too since it's keeping things quieter, but we really do need to get back to the land of the living in order to help us get out of here. Sadly, it isn’t looking like he's going to be able to get work anytime soon, though. Like maybe not until the end of the summer. I wasn't kidding when I said I had a bad feeling that something up there might make it hard for us to get out of here. As fun as this may be and as great as my mental state has been, especially where the inside is concerned since he's been home all the time, he's got to get back to work and I've got to get to a dentist. Either way, though, even if the lockdown lasted a year, we’re outa this fucking place next year.
Back on my low-carb diet since all the naughties have run out. I didn't gain back everything I lost, though. I'm one pound shy of that. I decided to low-carb it and then starve it. Tom insists that even I would lose weight if I starved after I was saying the other day that I could do that and still hold my weight. So to prove that he's wrong and to remind myself that I'm right, I'm going to starve for a day or two once my weight gets back down to its usual low. I'll have a meal replacement shake in the middle of my day, though, cuz I don't want to pass out just to prove a point. So...low-carb it, then starve it. Occasional fasting is said to be good for the body anyway.