Where Pelicans Fly
April 2020 (3)
4/23/2020 Thursday 3:53 PM
We cleaned some of our jewelry today as well as some of my crystals that will soon be packed.
Dixie sent a message saying she misses our chats and that she’ll be sitting out in the early evening. She also said she had something for me to try on and that I could have it if I like it. Also, someone's been breaking into her car. Not taking anything but just going into it.
I really hope she's just imagining things because we leave our car unlocked too. No one seems to mess with anything, not that we have anything valuable in the car. If she is right and not just imagining things, why would someone want to enter her car just for shits and giggles? Someone trying to gaslight her or something?
Her friend Margaret has been sending me some funny memes as well.
It's not even May and already the motorcycles are getting on my nerves (and Mrs. Twenties). There's one nearby that loves to sit and rev it up and be totally annoying as fuck. This is part of why I want to go rural. Unless we could find the perfect setting in Florida, as in too good to be true, I'm not interested. We can't afford to be right on the ocean, so what difference does it make if we're 10 minutes away or 30 minutes away when we’ll not only have the time to drive there but won't be going to the beach every single day, anyway?
I'm just sick of all the racket people make, though it has been quiet so far today.
I've been warm these last few days and while I hate to be cold and I've always loved summer, I wonder why. I know they say that age and excess body fat can make you warm but I'm not that old or fat. Tom is older and has more fat, yet he isn't too warm. I've also read that it's a side effect of my medication and I've definitely noticed this problem since I began the shit. Could also be the hormone thing too. I hate to say it, but I definitely don't tolerate heat like I used to. I don't know, maybe living in an endless summer wouldn't be good for me. It definitely makes sleeping and working out harder and things like that. Just because I'm home a lot doesn't mean I'm sitting on my ass. I keep busy and often do things that are physical, and I know this can induce hot flashes. Sometimes I can feel warm even when it's 70 degrees in here when I’m busy cleaning or something like that. Definitely would never want to live anywhere colder than here, though. It would have to be a hell of a house in a hell of a location and even then I would be very hesitant.
I've been going back and forth. I started off my day on the warm side, made a point of taking a cooler shower, and I thought that was going to help but now I'm warm again. I'm sleeveless and it’s 76.5 degrees in here. That's not overly warm. Or is it?
Although I don't think this dream meant anything, I had a dream I started feeling sick. I was coughing, sneezing and congested. I felt like I was coming down with a cold. I went to take my temperature and it told me I was 66° so I knew I screwed up or the battery was dying. The dream ended before I could get a second reading.
I still don't fear that will catch the virus despite nearly 200K deaths now, but I would be a bit worried if we did, unlike when it first started. It seemed to kill older people and those with health issues at first but now it seems it can kill anyone. Fortunately, most people do recover from it, but I might be a little nervous if we got it, never knowing what might happen.
We had groceries delivered today and they gave us some freebies. I liked the oatmeal bar but neither of us is interested in the spicy Mexican beans.
I'm down half a pound. Two more pounds and I starve it. May not be very sociable those days since the last thing I’ll want to hear about is food when I'm doing that.
Our insurance now has a thing where we can contact a nurse any time of night or day in an instant. I hope we’ll never need it but it's nice to know we have it.
Twice yesterday I started to feel faint cramps, but it didn't amount to anything and I'm good so far today. :-)
Looks like it was Roman that Molly was talking about so I'm guessing Aly is just giving it time before she creates a new account to connect to Molly with. For now, they're probably keeping in touch on Skype or Whatsapp. I'll ask her and I'm sure “Penny” will get an answer within a few hours.
Oh! Already got an answer. She says no. Maybe they’re on FB, then. Aly did say she uses it for messaging.
4/24/2020 Friday 6:24 PM
It's gotten even harder for the fish to get around. He was spending most of his time on the floor of the tank. Even though we lowered the water level, it was hard for him to swim up to get his food, so I decided it was time to put him back in the large cup we got him in. He's sitting on my desk right now. I’ll change the water every few days. Just trying to make his final days as comfortable as I can.
It's been hotter today at 91° yet I haven't felt as hot as I did yesterday except for when I was working around the house taking care of laundry, cleaning and the animals. I did several other things as well. I took care of the plants and I even gathered up the colored plastic stones from the fake palm tree pots and put them in a container. We're not taking the trees, but I figured I would take the stones.
Then we swapped the treadmill and Bowflex so the treadmill would be under the fan, and ran out to Rite Aid. I was surprised to see so many people working there without masks.
I was glad to see in my Facebook newsfeed that there's a local dentist open 24 hours nearby in case my teeth get worse. My bottom back molar is starting to sting when I eat, and I worry about the cavities opening up to the point where I may need crowns in which case I'm going to tell them to just pull them. I don't want to play the crown game again or have that kind of expense on us when we're trying to save everything we can. In fact, if his retirement doesn’t kick in by mid-May, we’re going to start getting worried. Especially since we can’t count on another stimulus check or him getting a job anytime soon.
He was supposed to get a check today but then they said it could take up to 6 weeks, and we’ll supposedly get two checks next month. Yeah, like we can really trust the government to follow through. We can’t get evicted due to this crisis which has seemingly no end in sight, but we still need to eat. So even though I can’t believe anything up there would be quick to kick us out of a place that’s usually noisy, there are other things that could happen that could make life really hard for us.
Yesterday has to have been the quietest weekday in the history of this park. Not even weekends are usually that quiet, though I did hear a few loud vehicles and planes. It's been pretty quiet today other than when they were picking up the trash but it's only because of the lockdown and the fact that the island is still closed off.
When the sun starts going down, I’m going to take the bike out around the circle. When I pass Dixie’s place, I’ll look for her.
Ordered new toothbrush heads although it's still hard to get to the very back teeth. I can reach them, but not as well as the others. I do my best, though. If I don’t hear from the dentist, also around mid-May, I’ll call and see if I can find out what’s going on. If they won’t see me anytime soon, I’ll go to the other dentist even if it’s a guy, and as usual, foreign.
4/25/2020 Saturday 6:43 PM
Forgot to charge my phone last night but brought it from 17% to 24% while brushing my teeth. My bottom right molar is still bothering me, too.
Starting to get a little worried that life is going to shit on our plans. I just don't see an end to this virus anytime soon. One's plans rarely go as expected if they even go at all. We're no exception to that rule. So I worry about ending up broke and unable to move.
They can’t keep us locked down forever. If they don't come up with a vaccine, then sooner or later they're going to have to let us out and hope for the best.
If by some miracle things do work out, the plan is to get out of here next year. We’ll pack our shit in a shipping container and have it driven to whatever town we choose to live in. Then we'll fly to a hotel there and hopefully pick out and purchase a place quickly.
Even though it's been quieter overall with the island closed and the virus going around, I can't wait to get out of here. Forget about what it sounds like; I just want a newer place for once! I'm tired of living in places built in the last century. I want the date our place was built to start with a 2 for a change.
Not at all surprisingly, I could hear someone sawing, but it was further away so it wasn't that annoying. Again, I know I've said it a million times, but I can't believe how often they do that here! As in using circular saws. Never lived anywhere like this before. It's just ridiculous that you hear that so often here of all places.
At least we're not the only ones with occasional woodpeckers, after all. He and I were sitting out on the bench swing during a quieter moment when we heard a few pecks coming from somewhere across the street. Either on Dahl or Geri's carport, I'm guessing.
Geri, and someone who was visiting her, was counting my laps when I took the bike around the circle yesterday evening, LOL. She said to do 10 laps and I'll have gone a mile. Four was enough for me in the heat and the main point was to see if I could catch Dixie out and about. I not only didn't see her, but she hasn't responded to my email which is a little unlike her, so I hope everything is okay with her. I'll take the bike out again this evening but will make it a little later. Maybe she doesn’t go out till after dark.
I lost 2.5 lbs. in 3 days but I'm not sure I want to bother with fasting. If I do, I'll do it tomorrow. If I had to guess, while I'm sure I wouldn't lose any weight fasting, I might at least stay the same. If I continue low-carb, however, my weight will automatically reset itself back to where it was on its own. This is what I'm used to and what my body is most comfortable at, so yeah, not sure I want to fast for nothing. I'll take today to decide whether or not it's worth doing just to see what happens for sure.
I was thinking of sharing pics when I get up on Facebook instead of Twitter because there are more people I interact with there that could see and enjoy them. I would just make sure they were public so those I wasn't connected to could see them as well. It's just that Twitter is dead and no matter how much I try, I really can't get into it. Pretty sure no one I know follows me there, but if you do, you'll know why if I decide to deactivate the account. Haven't decided that one yet, though. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to just leave it sitting there. I don't have to use it just because it's there.
Ironically, Molly doesn't suspect that I'm Penny, but she suspects I voted "no" when she was fishing for compliments by asking in a poll if people thought she was pretty. “I know it’s you, Jodi,” she tweeted. “Admit it. Have a problem with me? We can talk it out.”
Aly must’ve told her that she thinks I’m Penny. But once again...how would she figure that out??? Penny’s tweets are private. Aly could only see them if Molly copied them for her. At least I'm guessing that even though Aly isn't presently connected to her there that she's at least checking out her tweets.
Also, Marie, or whoever the hell it is in NY that follows me religiously, still won’t comment on any of my posts. I’ve tried a few times here and there to get them to comment, but they won’t. I made sure to mention how horrible things were in NY due to the virus and asked if I had any followers there. Nothing. Nada, zip, zilch. This makes me think what I’ve always suspected and that’s that it’s someone that knows me, probably in real life. But if it’s not Marie, then who? Can’t believe any of Norma’s daughters would be that interested in me. Another VH sister? Someone connected to his family? Connected to the AZ haters?
Ugh, Santa and his fucking mutts! Yeah, they’re more obnoxious in nicer weather.
Too bad about Kim’s younger and only brother being hospitalized with the virus, even though he's expected to be okay.
4/26/2020 Sunday 9:05 PM
I was browsing through her group earlier. I don't read much of what she posts because I know it's either stolen or so poorly written that it's not going to make much sense. Noticed I wasn't able to see the identity of one of her post viewers. Who am I supposed to be bothering that's connected to her that feels the need to block me? Really, just tell me if you don't want me looking in on any of your accounts on whatever sites or make your shit private. No need to block me. :-)
At first I thought it was ridiculous that they were opening the beaches in Florida and SoCal, but we're getting to the point where those that it's going to kill would have died off for the most part, and those that are going to get it and live will have gotten it. Even we might have had it back when we had sore throats and felt like we had colds.
Changed my mind again and decided to just keep posting pics on Twitter when I get up. I post more on Facebook than I usually do on Twitter and this way I can quickly look up when I got up whenever I want to.
Yesterday I went riding around the circle six times but never saw Dixie. Her car was there and there were lights on in the back of the house, but I didn't see anyone outside other than Elaine. What's weird is that she hasn't responded to my emails. I don't know if she's having computer problems or what but hopefully she's okay.
I swear Santa lives on his front bench. Both times I took the bike out he was sitting on the bench with one of his dogs next to him and the first time he even started to nod off. What, does he sleep there all night?
I raised the temperature in here because not eating makes me cold. I'm doing intermittent fasting today and believe it or not, I just may get results if I could stick with it. I don't think I can, though. There would be a lot more skinny people in the world if it was that simple to sustain. I'm not going to decide anything until I see what happens with it. I woke up at 155.2 and before I had an avocado, I slipped down to 154.8. I'm hoping to crash no higher than 155.2 and wake up 153.something but I don't think that will happen. I'll probably be 154.something instead. Depending on the results, I'll decide if I really want to lose weight bad enough to do this more often, if I can stand to. I mean sure, I would definitely be healthier if I did. I could lower my cholesterol, lower my blood pressure even more, lower my risk of diabetes, and gain flexibility. But is it worth the hunger if I'm just going to die someday anyway? I'm not so sure. I kind of go back and forth in my mind on that one. I mean, I'm not 20 years old with my whole life ahead of me but I'm not exactly 80 either.
BP isn’t too bad right now. 136/79. Pulse is 76 which is nice and mellow for me.
In the 6.5 hours I’ve been up, I’ve had a small avocado, a few grapes and melon cubes, a shake, coffee, and that’s it. Planning on more fruit around midnight and some steamed broccoli around 4.
Finished my NaNo story at 10K words, so I'll begin the editing of that a little at a time. I just can't get into writing stories as much as I used to even though I'm a better writer than I used to be, and I have all these wonderful tools I didn't always have. But if I could get a collection of five or six short stories that are around 10K words each, I could publish them as a collection.
I haven't had a single sale or borrow since the second and I don't know if it's because of my one 3-star review or not. I wouldn't think that would be enough to discourage people, but I don't know. Maybe someone's just not meant to make money. Would I have N24 if I were? It seems just as many things are determined by happenstance or maybe even destiny as there are by our own actions. I don't know what to think as far as trying to figure that much goes, but for whatever the reason, I ain't making shit.
The outside of my ear is bugging me more than the inside these days and it’s SOOO frustrating! This ain’t just TMJ and I know there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do about it. I’m cursed for life cuz they couldn’t leave me the fuck alone and love and accept me as I was.
I swear that not only does my tooth with the large cavity on the bottom annoy me, but it's like half of my teeth do. I guess it's because it's been on my mind and I worry about how soon I can get back to the dentist.
Perhaps it shouldn't, but it really bothered me when I found that I could run my name on ZabaSearch and pull up my address in an instant. That shouldn't be anyone's business! Doesn't that count as sharing sensitive info? This should be optional. The individual people should decide whether or not any of their sensitive info is shared for anyone in the world to see.
So it took me only two days to re-acclimate to the heat. I would still be worried if I was home alone somewhere in Florida and the AC broke down in the dead of summer because that would not only be a lot more heat than I let the place get up to but humidity as well. I'd love to think that if we went rural, we could still have neighbors similar to some of the ones we have here but no chance. They would be a combination of welfare bums and large families with plenty of dogs. Big dogs.
I had a dream we moved but I don't think it means anything because it really didn't make much sense. It's like we headed for the northeast as opposed to the southeast. People were surprised to meet someone that had lived in Cali and Arizona. That's more typical of how people in the northeast would react because most of the people there are from there unlike here, Arizona, and Florida where most people are from somewhere else.
In the dream, I said I sometimes missed home which I would never say. I never miss a place I've moved from. I may miss some aspects of the place, but I don't ever miss it to the point where a part of me wishes I could move back or that I still lived there.
Molly must not suspect me anymore for voting her as ugly on her poll since she deleted the tweet accusing me. Hmm… Wonder how many other times she’s mentioned me before deleting the tweet.
4/28/2020 Tuesday 12:12 AM
Tom and I went on a bike ride this evening. The weather is gorgeous now. Looks like Dixie had company at the time, but I didn't see anyone out front. Sent one more email to her. I'd be willing to bet she's having computer problems. I'll catch her in person one of these days.
Doing some laundry and cleaned the kitchen until it was sparkling clean. Rockefeller chatted with me the entire time.
Tom tells me things will be fine, and yes, I know things will work out in the end, but there’s still a small part of me that worries. Little by little our money is running out and there's no way to know for sure if we're going to get another stimulus check or his retirement money. There’s still working for Amazon as a last resort, but I’d still worry about him getting sick. As unlikely as it may be, there's still a possibility that we could catch this thing if we haven't already and end up dying from it. It seems incredibly unlikely, as I said, but the possibility is still there.
We would still want to move even if it was quiet here under normal circumstances because of how expensive it is here. To pay $1200 a month when we could be paying $300 a month for something just as nice or nicer is ridiculous. Staying here is only throwing money away. Not only that, but we’re spending it on tons of loud traffic too close to the house, landscaping sounds virtually every single day, motorcycles tearing in at 1 a.m. and leaving at 4 a.m., an endless slew of projects both in and out of the roads, not to mention water shutoffs two or three times a month.
If the last complaint from Joy was because they somehow figured out I was the one that sent the anonymous message about the late-night motorcycles, then it wasn't that they told the Beckers we complained on them and then the Beckers retaliated, but just Joy spiting me for some reason as I mostly suspected. So that's it... Complain on vehicles and she retaliates with counter-complaints. It happened to the Twenties too.
I didn't end up starving as hard as I wanted to yesterday. I still fasted somewhat, though, with about 700 to 800 calories. Went down half a pound. It likely would have been 1.5 lbs had I eaten less but at least I've settled my curiosity. However, even if I could do this every single day, I'm not going to get the same results every day. I still say that how I feel is more important than anything else, a diet of 1000 calories or less is not sustainable, and therefore my best bet is just to bounce back and forth between the same few pounds as I have been. Once I creep up 3 or 4 lbs, I can low-carb myself back down, and back and forth. So this week is going to be my naughty week.
My BMI of 31 is at the high end of healthy for a woman and that's good enough for me. Even better is that I found that going low-carb keeps me from gaining. I totally believe I would be heavier than I am by now had I not tried this diet. With it, I never feel deprived either. There's no counting, no measuring, no hunger. It's just that it isn't sustainable every single day for many months either because of the lack of variety, and it only takes off a few pounds. It might be worth putting up with a little longer if more could come off than that but since it can't, I'll settle for staying where I'm at. :-)
Still sharing old stuff from my other account but keeping it mostly generic. No drama at all unless the drama isn’t too personal/sensitive and doesn’t involve anyone presently in my life.
4/29/2020 Wednesday 2:30 AM
Wished Christiane a happy birthday in public. I was curious to see if she’d notice and respond but of course she didn’t.
I also couldn't resist messaging Doc Hall and Holly. I mean, I know I shouldn't have since they're just going to ignore me if they get the message, and again, it's me being the one to reach out to them, people who would never give me the time of day otherwise. So this is something I guess I still have to work on. Then again, I suppose I am who I am.
Aly agrees that my loyal New York fan is likely someone who knows me or is at least extremely shy. Doubt anyone's that shy, though. My first guess is Marie but even that doesn't seem right. Would she really read me this religiously and be this quiet?
I've been on nights and Tom has been coding and taking care of the outside. Not because of Joy. We don't give a shit about her, but we do give a shit about curb appeal. As he's working, he sometimes chats with the Twenties as well as Bob and Virginia when they drive by.
I asked Kim who the fourth group member was that I couldn't see and of course I got an answer that made no sense. I could have found out through Tom's account but whoever they were left the group. Plus, I wasn’t that curious.
Walmart included some extras in our order once again. Midol, which I took years ago and caused me to be drowsy enough to take a nap like full-strength Benadryl does. Some chewable allergy tablets, pretzels, a hazelnut fudge wafer, and lens cleaners which came in handy for my glasses, phone and monitor. Also, a pancake on the go. Pancake mix in a cup that you add water to and microwave that was pretty boring.
I'm back up 1.5 pounds but it's worth it to be able to indulge. Still, I sometimes envy those with hyperthyroidism. It's one of the very few “lucky” diseases, you could say. I had it in my twenties before my thyroid swung the other way.
They opened the road in back but due to the lockdown, my sleep shouldn't be too threatened until it's lifted. That's keeping the traffic down more than the closed road was.
I heard back from Dixie. That was Linda visiting. She's been helping out with Diane. We took the bikes out at around 9 and I could see Dixie sitting in her favorite chair when we passed by. Linda was there again, too.
I'm keeping my bike outside until it gets too cold for riding, and yes, it's locked up securely this time around. It shouldn't be exposed to much sunlight where it's at, but when it gets cold, I’ll hose it down and bring it back indoors.
Went through my Barbie collection and weeded out nearly half of them to donate since I don't think I can sell them very easily. I thought they would gain value in time like some people thought Beanie Babies would but nope. I'm just not into collecting those anymore and many of them have lost their shine over the years. Outfits have faded, elastic waistbands have broken, and some of them just aren't that nice. I pulled out just under 30 and I'm going to keep just over 30, even if most of them will likely sit in a box for the rest of my life and not be displayed anywhere.
Had a series of bizarre and senseless dreams the last two nights. Something about being in an elevator, and then there were dreams involving the termites. I ran into them somewhere and hoped they wouldn't recognize me or something like that. Or that they at least wouldn't give me any shit if they did.
Then I was on the phone with Andy in another dream and he was saying that he wanted to leave the past in the past without discussing it further.
I was in the forest somewhere in another dream. Jessie was with me and we were looking through pictures of forests in a magazine. I tried to pull something out of the ground a minute later, but it wouldn't let go. “It’s probably caught on a poster,” I said.
Then we began walking through the woods and there was a speaker on a stand that was making a hissing sound. Jessie went behind it and started speaking to me. When I told her I couldn't hear her she moved away and said that she would make sure I had her address. Then I told her I would make sure she had mine as well.
In the last dream, I was at a bus stop waiting to board a bus. The bus driver was trying to recall the show that a particular line was from. I had heard the line before and seen the show but forgot the name of it. The dream ended with me struggling to come up with the name.
Really worried my cavity has gotten infected because I'm having waves of intense pain along my gum line and jaw that is typical of tooth infections. It's what I had nearly a decade ago when my back bottom molar on the other side went to hell before the county quack pulled it. I'm not exactly sure which tooth it is but one of them is open down to the root. I'm doing saltwater gargling, but it may be too late. I'm going to call my new dentist Friday morning and see if I can get in.
I'm up almost 3 lbs since the day I went really low-cal. I'll let myself gain one more pound before I low-carb my way back down. I'm having a low-carb meal today, though. Later I'll fry up some chickpeas that I sprinkle with cheese which isn't low-carb, but the chicken wings I’m making now are. I seasoned each one differently. One with Mrs. Dash which has a mix of herbs and spices, one with minced onion and a hint of cinnamon, one with paprika, and another with garlic salt.
That's the second time the rats have gotten into a fight in less than a week and I'm not sure why. Also, Woody looks old and almost too skinny while Fuzzy is fat and healthy-looking.
The motorcycle just came in and this is a little early for them since the bastard doesn't usually visit until after midnight. Fortunately, they didn't go by the house but that might be because they don't yet know the island is open.
Still sleeping okay but that's because of the lockdown.
Went on a half-hour walk from 9 to 9:30. The island isn't really as smooth as the guy made it sound like it was going to be but it's an improvement. Now let's see how many more times they have to work on the roads before we can get out of here.
Not wanting to go down Oak, I headed for Daisy. Sure enough, as I was coming back up through the island, a skunk skittered from Tandy toward Dixie's place. I was going to go down Tandy, but when I realized that I would only be heading into an area where there are more likely to be more skunks, I waited a minute or two, and then I ran fast through the island and up to the house. Sick of these fucking things everywhere here! It really is ridiculous.
I brought the skier into the bedroom so that instead of just sitting when I'm in there watching Lifetime movies, I can be a little more active. I won't lose significant weight, of course, but that's fine. I'll gladly spend the rest of my life where I'm at as long as I can continue to low-carb back down whenever I jump up a few pounds.
Even though I know there are a million things that could go wrong from us ending up dirt poor to getting the virus and dying, my mental state, overall, has been a million times better lately. Conceited sounding or not, I deserve it after all those dark days! Make that dark years.