Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2020-03-30 15:54:38 (UTC)

Blursday the Fortyteenth of Maprilay

Listening to: Perfect - My Darkest Days
I was fine right before I met her
Never hurt and nothing could control me
You know I tried but I can't regret her
She's the first, ask anyone who knows me
Terrified that she'd find my heart and break it
Paralyzed by the thought of her with someone else
(I remember when this song was dedicated to me once, as much as I dislike the memory, I love the song haha)

~Sometimes all you have is yourself - and sometimes that's all you need~ ❤

Good evening! 🌙
How many times today did I ask myself what day it was? To me, it feels like Blursday the Fortyteenth of Maprilay haha. They seem to be blending together lol. I will be glad when this subsides and normalcy sets back in. I know I often took for granted the simplest of days. I looked forward to when work was done or I the weekend. Now, all that time wasted. It definitely has given me perspective, while I am bothered by what's going on out there. I have thrived on the time I have had to focus on what's important. Spend more time with my babies and video chat the ones I can't. I have found my passion in my crafts again. I have begun spring cleaning too which if anyone knows me, knows that pleases my OCD to no end lol

I received a message from my former best friend (We went to daycare together, so all our lives lol) We stopped talking about 2 years ago when I deleted her from all my social media. She hurt me beyond means and accused me of something I would never do. All because her "girlfriend" convinced her I had done it. (yes she is in a same-gender relationship and I support that) Her girlfriend has hated me since day 1. She was jealous of the relationship we had, we were like sisters. I am straight and told her so. It doesn't matter. She managed to manipulate my best friend and that caused her to lash out at me. I told her she hurt me. She knew I would not have done it but the pressure she felt, she lashed out at me. So what she said, accused me of, unrepairable. I honestly did try to understand her side and even tried maintaining the friendship but her girlfriend still managed to manipulate things because she knew I disliked her so suddenly she's the victim. Anyways she reached out and asked how everyone is. I kept it friendly but still did not engage much nor reveal much. I kept it brief. I hope this does not reopen the door. I am ok with how things are now. If you know me, you know I give everyone a chance, I try to see the good and being an empath and an intuitive, her girlfriend is highly toxic. She set off my senses every single time we were together. She is highly manipulative. I cannot open that door. She's made her choice although I never made her choose between us. I tried. I just had to close the door and remove myself when she damaged our friendship. I just hope that is it for a bit. Kind of stung a bit to hear from her.

I worked with my tarot again today and spoke to my girlfriend who does tarot. I am trying to delve deeper into them. She walked me through the cards so I had a better understanding. She did a mini reading on me too, I liked what I heard :) She has been dead on with past predictions. I pulled out my crystals and put them in the windows to charge but there has been no solid sun to charge them. Tomorrow is said to be sunny, I hope so. I want to go for a walk with my puppy. I am thankful I have a gym at home or I would go nuts without my gym. It's a good outlet.

Had a few really spiritual dreams lately but hard to express, once I process them I will write them here for memory.

I have been writing in my paper journal, ways I want to focus on myself and my future. First I think is my job, there has been so much flux there. I use to be happy but that kind of dwindled. It doesn't challenge me and I have been taken for granted and false promises from day 1. I think I need to look elsewhere when all this settles. I am thinking of returning to some type of field in psychology as that is where my degrees all lay. I worked in Child Protective Services and through the courts. It played havoc on my abilities, my empathy being the biggest ability affected. I brought their emotions home. I have the heart for it I have been told so many times. I just need to see, explore where I could venture to without it affecting me as it did before. I ventured to the career I am in now as it was always my "back up plan" and while I love it. This place has tainted me. Perhaps a different environment may be an option too. Just thinking out loud.

Think a nice hot bath and bath bomb and tea is in order tonight. Then maybe puppy cuddles in bed and read until bedtime.

Have a wonderful evening!❤

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