༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
Ad 2:
2020-03-26 23:51:53 (UTC)

About to Break


6:32pm

Shower—-check.
Safety——check.
Pain———check.
Hair dyed—check.
Last load of laundry in the dryer——-check.
Music———check.
Flavored water—check.

Had playing:

1. Seether- Remedy
2. Bad Wolves- Killing me Slowly
3. 30 seconds to Mars- The Kill
4. Falling in reverse - popular monster
5. Linkin park - one step closer

So, laying in my heated bed. Thoughts doing the usual spinning. Wish I could sort through the thoughts, get rid of some, but I can’t sort them. Head always feels over stuffed . Wish I could just list everything in my head. List it all off and find a way to empty my mind. It’s this feeling that makes me feel like crying, and that feeling leads to the urges to either drink or SH. And since the thought of drinking makes me start physically shaking, (I’m about to break down)....(every wall I knock down I end up replacing).....

I have no flipping clue wtf to do. I’m getting angry. I’m getting mad. Like slamming my head against the wall till it busts open. I mean, for real, wtf keeps filling it up? What am I ignoring? What is bugging me? Something has to be. This can’t be normal. (I’m about to break).....

I get this empty feeling inside my soul when I get this way. This is a continuous feeling. It’s not bipolar. It’s not BPD. It’s not MPD. Wtf is it? Why can’t I fix it? Why do I feel crazy when this happens? This is why, I get those feelings on not being here anymore. I can’t fix myself. I can’t figure out what’s going on. It makes me feel like I am out of control. I, am not one who wants to feel like I have no control in my life.

Brb.


Ad:2