༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-03-26 12:10:06 (UTC)

DBT


Good morning
Thursday 3/26/20
5:30am

Got two kids up already, Turkey age 3, Sheldon age 12. Made breakfast.

High of 50 tomorrow! Sweet. I will be outside with kids tomorrow.

This cough is awful this morning. My back and chest are starting to hurt. Blah.

I have no goals set up for today. I am semi functional tho. Had my coffee on auto make, so glad it was ready. I managed to get a cup in and hold it in so far.

DD1 was up, messaged me, but when I called, didn’t answer, lol. So I left a message. He’s so crazy. He grows his own weed and mushrooms. He’s extremely smart, educated. Has a degree in psychology. He’s the one I turn to when I’m ready to go off the ledge. Problem is getting him to answer his phone 🤣😂.

Alright, goals:

1. Laundry
2. Fish tank
3. Dishes
4. Check garage
5. Clean the car
6. Air up car tires
7. Talk to BabyFace


6:34am

I’m having the urge to burst into tears.
I’m trying hard to do my DBT, but am unable to focus and figure out how to implement it.

A-activity
C- contributing
C- comparison
E- emotion opposites
P- pushing away
T- thoughts
S- sensations

Why I struggle so bad trying to improve my DBT. Some reason, it all gets mixed up in my head and nothing makes sense. Hard to focus. Best way to describe it...
Sitting at a table, put a big bowl in front of you, with an opening so small you can only reach 2 fingers in. Inside that bowl, is 50 different colored beads. Those beads are my thoughts. Tons. Now, you have to find a pink bead in the mess, that pink bead is a particular thought you need to focus on. Now, most normal people, don’t have a bowl filled like that. So, by the time I find that thought/bead, normal people already have a solution or action for that thought.

D-dear
E-express
A-assert
R-reinforce
M-mindful
A-appear confident
N-negotiate

I get it all, but can’t seem to implement it.

(Sigh)

Now, my head hurts, I’m tired, I’m overwhelmed. This is what happens when I try to focus on something. I get overwhelmed easy. If the overwhelmed feeling gets to be too much (which happens a ton) then I find comfort in putting my hands on my head to contain the pressure in my head, and rock back and forth.


(Mudvayne-World so cold)

Odd how the right lyrics hit when I’m writing.

I need down time. I feel like I’m outside my body/head.

Taste:
1. Coffee
2. Smoke
Smell:
1. Candles
Hear:
1. Music
2. Ringing in my head/ears that is ALWAYS there
3. Tv in the living room
Feel:
1. Heaviness in my chest
See:
1. Flame on candles (taunting me)
2. Cat sleeping on my lap

7:07am will stop here. Headache coming on.


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