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Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-03-26 01:09:30 (UTC)

What will be, will be...


6:15pm

Had some asparagus for dinner. Yeah, not much, but healthy.

Kidney area still hurting. Starting to hurt when I la down. I can stand about 15 minutes then the pain gets unbearable.

Bear had an asthma attack at work, ambulance was called, and they freaked out thinking she had the 19 virus. She was embarrassed as all heck about all the commotion that happened.

Limp finally messaged me about him getting a uhaul to come get his stuff. I don’t understand. Monday, Tuesday, and today were days to get the crap done. Why he has to wait till the weekend. One uhaul trip is all it’s going to take to get things outa here.
I should look in the garage in the morning and see what all is left behind. The day he says he’s going to come get his stuff, just pull it all out of the garage and have the garage locked and all he has to do is pull up, load it all and get the hell outa here and then I can block him so I never have to hear from him again. Debating on telling him to get everything tomorrow or I can toss stuff on Friday when the dumpster gets here. I’m tired of holding onto everything. Like I said, three months of holding his crap.

DD2 asked finally if I was ok, asked why, said “I haven’t heard from you”, well, I responded to his messages, so he hasn’t been talkative to me, too busy talking to his ex he’s not hung up on. DD3 said the same thing I said, ex for a reason, not to remain friends, specially if you don’t have kids together.

Found out one of my ex’s was extremely torn when I left that he cried everyday and went on an alcoholic binge. I laughed. Never seen him being one to cry let alone care. He was so abusive. I was beat up Monday thru Thursday and Friday he would bring flowers and apologize and then on Monday it would all start back over again. Bear said he just didn’t know how to show he loved and cared for me. Sorry, but 9 1/2 years together, and I asked him to join in my therapy and he said hell no, doesn’t show care, love, support, etc.
I remember the one gift he bought me in those 9 1/2 years, a book, Bipolar for Dummies. Yeah, I didn’t laugh. Bear said he just had dark humor. Um, yeah, ok. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. The damage was done and I have zero feelings for him, so I don’t care. I healed from it. I’m a survivor. I’ve overcome a crap load. Somehow I keep finding the strength to keep going, or I’m just seriously that damn stubborn.

Just tried calling Barbie, she was angry at me last night because I sent texts and snaps about the food and never got a response, she complaining “you should have called”, she never answers the phone when I call, prime example. I’m trying to get the pw to the phone babyface used so I can pull up the snap videos. BabyFace is claiming she’s been clean since January 1, but the ER blood work shows differently.
Trying to get the pw before she talks to BabyFace tonight, because she will say something to her about me having it. Then BabyFace is going to be calling me freaking out over it all. But, facts are....if she was clean since January 1, she wouldn’t have had such a high level of things in her system when they tested her at the hospital.

I got most everything I had to do done. Still have dishes to finish up, but can do that tomorrow I guess. I still have not made the brownies I said I wanted to make last week. Might attempt to do them tonight, doubtful, but can put the idea in my head.

Getting lightheaded and a slight headache. Will drink more of my cranberry/core water before I go back to bed. I am getting completely exhausted-tired.
Getting those cold chills again and my face feels like it’s on fire. So I’m guessing fever....will check in a little while.

Since my mind is slightly working.....it’s doing the usual spin out of control.

Things I can NOT control:
1. Barbie telling BabyFace I asked for access to the phone.
2. Limps inability’s to get his crap in a timely manner
3. DD2’s chatting with his ex
4. Bears inability to clean up after herself and her kids.
What I CAN control:
1. My reaction to Limps texts
2. My response to others


7:06 pm

Barbie and her idiot claim they don’t remember the pw. Yeah ok. Didn’t argue. Just said ok, have a great night, I love you. Left it at that.

Limp wants to come Friday, as usual, KNOWING, I’m normally gone till Sunday night. Claims he didn’t come yesterday thinking I had a separate appointment, knowing we are on lockdown.....didn’t argue, just said...ahh ok 👌, and left it at that.

(Deep sigh)

DD2 finally sent a message. Not much to say tho. Probably chatting with the ex. I’m not bugging over it, I’m impressed. I really don’t care. I haven’t checked all day. Do think it’s funny tho, if my ex was on mine and we were texting, he’d have a fit and be mistrustful.

Stoner tried calling via messenger. Said he’s bored. But hasn’t spoken to me in almost three weeks. Got his 30 mg pills to snort. Tried helping the kid for over a month, and gave up. Not my kid. Not my problem. I tried, out of the goodness of my heart, and the fact I’ve known him 8 years, but he doesn’t listen, so I’m no longer available.

Sheldon is in bed sick. Headache all day. No cough tho.

Just found out the first confirmed case in Stevens Point. That’s where I been every weekend for the past month. And I’m puking this afternoon, been feeling super sick. I’m praying that Sheldon and I will be fine. That DD2 and his family will be fine.

Well, I’m going to eat some soup, take my medications and call it a night.

No call from DD2 in two days :/
Oh well. Was fun, won’t deny it.


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