Quarantine – Day 12
"state of not being present," late 14c., from Old French absence "absence" (14c.), from Latin absentia, abstract noun from absentem (nominative absens), present participle of abesse "be away from, be absent," from ab "off, away from" (see ab-) esse "to be" (from PIE root *es- "to be").
My brother will fly in from Germany. All the family is going to be together, better for the morale. The last few days have been spent prepping the house for his arrival since he'll go straight into a two-week isolation period. I feel a little far away from myself, despite the laughs with the family. Maybe it's a good thing though, taking a break from one's self.
That chat with the gang didn't do much help. S ended up talking about politics. It seems all of them have a plan B to move elsewhere if things get bad here because most of them are immigrants to begin with. She didn't really spare a thought to me though, as the only native among them. Well, sort of. She was born and raised here as well but she found out she was eligible for a Portuguese passport, which mean, eligibility for a European one. Dad recommended I look into the option of a Blue Card, that maybe being someone who already has a higher degree in something might increase my chances. I just felt more alienated. Maybe I need new friends who are not as preoccupied.
C maintains the silence still. I tried casually talking to him but he persisted he didn't want to talk. Now marks the ends of the third day that I haven't heard anything from him. With every morning I wake up to find he hasn't texted, loneliness makes way for anger, heartbreak, and distrust. I'm at a loss, not knowing anything about what he's feeling or thinking or doing. It feels he has really shut the door in my face this time. I'm not even entirely sure why, we've gone through worse.
I thought that by asking for one thing then I wasn't asking for much. Then I realised that what I was asking for was a very rare and compact package, then it becomes like asking for the entire world. For that I apologise.