༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings & RL Stories
Brain 🧠 Fogged
I’m back. Kids up, eating breakfast.
Nascar sent me some messages about their concerns on my health right now. I’m ok. My Sheldon is sick also. I don’t think it’s the Covid-19. I’m just run down.
We must have some rain coming, my body/shoulder has a ton of pain today.
Sent a message saying Morning, Have a great day to DD2. Didn’t want a rerun of yesterday. So insecure, but get why, he’s not exactly doing what’s needed. I’m sure he will flip a lid when I say I’m not coming up this weekend. Will be the first weekend in a month of not going. Still have not decided yet on if I’m goin or not.
Well, today, not sure what’s on the agenda.
1. Need to wash dishes (Bear here can’t seem to wash the dishes they dirty)
2. Finish putting away laundry
3. Attempt to take a short walk
Will keep it at that for today. My brain is foggy today. Not wanting to function. My body hurts.
Had a few hours of silence, now my music is playing....hopefully it will help me get up.
I need to ground myself today, I’m struggling.
Things I can taste:
1. My cigarette I just smoked
2. My coffee I am drinking
3. A metallic/bloody taste (I have no clue why)
Things I can smell:
1. My burning candles (two are vanilla and one is cherry blossom)
Things I can hear:
1. The music and chatter of the radio
2. Cats eating food in the next room
3. Pitter patter of little feet in the living room
4. Sheldon and skittles snoring on the bed
5. The permanent ringing in my ears/head that never goes away
6. The birds chirping outside
Things I can feel:
1. The itchy clothing that’s bugging my sensitive skin
2. The weight on my chest
3. The swelling in my feet/ankles even tho my feet are propped up
4. My long nails running on my scalp
5. My hair between my fingers as I twist a small section of it
6. The deep pain in my thigh that I sliced up the past few weeks
Things I can see:
1. My screen on my phone
2. My cats sleeping on my bed
3. The time on the clock (9:09am)
Now that I’ve done that, it’s not helped my brain at all....in fact, I feel more exhausted now...go figure.
I’m feeling discouraged today due to my inability to get the energy I need to function today.
Things to remind myself when discouraged:
1. This is tough.....But so am I
2. I may not be able to control situations: but I am in control of how I respond
3. I haven’t figured things out....yet
4. This challenge is here to teach me something
5. All I need to do is take one step at a time, BREATHE, and do the best thing.
I’m slowly running out of steam. I’m slipping into that dark path I see, it’s a forest, not total darkness in front of me, but halfway into the path, it gets pitch black. The branches of the trees are like arms, intertwined from both sides of the path, into an oval, so when I walk the path, it engulfs me, suffocates me.
BabyFace just called. I guess she has talked with Barbie and she will move in with Barbie. I don’t agree. Barbie is a drug user. It’s a bad idea. I will not pick up the pieces when it falls apart. But I’m not going to focus nor worry about it. Not my life, not my choices. I can’t control anything other than how I let their choices affect me. Right now, BabyFace is still in the hospital, so she is clean and safe and getting help.
I’m going to stop here. My brain just won’t work today and the more I type, the more I get drained.