I think he feels like he ..
I think he feels like he always disappoints me.
I feel like he does a lot recently.
I try to pin-point what it is that i'm upset about, what is it that i'm missing...
I feel like he's not interested in me anymore. When he does interact with me it's forced, like he's only doing it because he knows it's what I want. What I need.
Dating is not a necessity for me. I date people when I feel a deep connection and that they deserve everything I'm willing to give. God I know I'm far from perfect but I am a good partner. I am present, giving, loving, emotional and I show these things in every way I can. I knew when I started dating him that we were not the same and I was okay with that. As time goes on I'm not so sure. I don't want him to change who he is. I just don't know if we're compatible anymore. I try not to take anything personally, I really do. I just feel like he doesn't love me anymore. I never feel like a priority besides when I tried to overdose. Is that what it takes?
I seem like an attention seeker, a dirty term. I do seek attention I seek love and touch and interest. I don't deserve complacency I try too hard for it. I did try too hard. Now I've lost my momentum because I feel like I don't receive anything for it. No I don't expect the world but I do expect SOMETHING at least god damn it we're meant to be in this together. I don't want to date anymore. It hurts and it doesn't feel good. I think I wanna be alone again. I just wish I hadn't fallen for my best friend because no matter what people wanna be or try to do it's never the same as it was. Before the love.
It's not as if this is out of the blue I've told him about it before he's had a chance to do better but it never lasts. I'm not mad at him, he has so much in his life he has to attend to, I just never feel like a priority like those things are. Which is fine, I think I may have been at one point but maybe not anymore. It's okay these things happen and I'm crying while I write this but maybe it will be good for both of us.
I just love him so much. It sucks. These things do suck. I'm not sure why people get so obsessed with them.
Yes I am.
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