Eel

Terminal

I went to st. louis by myself for a few days.
got super stoned, watched a shit ton of cable tv, got more stoned, and ate a bunch, and slept.
Those were my only responsibilities the past 3 days. And instead of stressing myself out,
I gave myself some real time to decompress. It was so nice being in that hotel room.
It makes me want to go back. The hotels are deserted and the rooms are getting insanely cheap.
Traveling less makes me want to travel more. How sad. But I probably won't be going anywhere again anytime soon.
This stuff is getting pretty serious. We're projected for some bad times.
Anyway, now would be a good day as any to get started on making healthier choices.
More Freshly meals in the fridge. More bills to pay. More time to get prepped.
I'll pick up those shifts and move forward.

Don't know if my brain had time to rest but now it did. I've been getting stoned nonstop. I need to acknowledge that it may be starting to affect my emotional capacity and motor skills. I cannot let that happen to me while this pandemic is going on. The need to take care of myself has become greater than ever. And Aamir threw a sharp epiphany at me this weekend that made me realize that going to Saudi may not be what I want anymore, and that's okay. If I do, I'll let the winds take me, but it will not be anytime soon. I just have to keep trying to push forward.

My brain is feeling tired. I figured this would happen. I have to be careful not to burn out. But this is what being on the front line feels like. And I have to do it for my patients. Otherwise I'm not doing my job effectively.
The world is ready to suffer, and I along with it. I must pay my dues.

But right now, the world cannot bring me down. I have been charged and configured. I'm optimizing for the best results. And I will make the best out of this, I promise you.