Experienced Life
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2020-03-21 08:27:44 (UTC)

This week was brutal

Well, this was a brutal week for sure. I worked out at the gym last Monday and it was mandated to close after that. since then, I only worked out for an hr and that was only yesterday because one of my friends here had to virtually kick my butt and told me to get going so I did. It wasn't graceful to be sure. I was out of rhythm and I was getting tangled a lot more than usual.

I'm not sure if work is evil or my saving grace. It was so busy. I worked minimum 10 hrs a day and a few times over 12 hrs and that was part going to work and a lot of teleworking. I did get a lot done but I don't know if I was just using it to paint over my personal life. No gym and gym socializing for sure. No meetup events because that is always with a bunch of people. Now no going outside except for people that are essential like truck drivers, IT staff like me, Drs, Cops, etc, etc. So yeah, the week did go by fast because of work.

I do have to face a few things though. I came to realize really how the lack of the natural chemicals that take place when you work out is not good. It's making me depressed. I think I posted once that I bet most severely depressed people do not work out. Here I am, just two days or workout this week and I already feel the anxiety. I will jump rope and do some routines today for sure. Our gym gave us detailed info on an hr workout we should be doing. I know the moves. They gave the time intervals so I'm good there. Just need to stay sober.

But the one big thing I guess I know is in the back of my head. is.. I miss babe. She forgets we are human and we go off from time-to-time. Didn't mean iI didn't care. It's not a ultimatum thing that needs to be framed as being me. Not going to argue my philosophy with her but yeah.. I miss her. The time difference was a lot but somehow it worked out pretty good. I'd be up late and we'd chat for a few hrs. Then in the morning, I'd chat with her while in bed early in the morning having coffee in bed and we just talk about stuff making her laugh.

I guess I was frustrated. I wanted it to grow more than what we had. I stand by my ways though. I wanted it to grow to more that just texting. I wanted to at least hear her voice in the morning live. Not just in a recording. She has a cute accent which she still denies she has. When the Corona Virus thing put a hamper on things, it was so frustrating. It's like you could almost taste the ice cream only to have it pulled away at the last minute. Sigh..

Now this Corona virus quarantine ( No, I'm not sick but it feels like I'm trapped) has me thinking way too much. I got so many things rattling around in my head right now and my baskets of life has been screwed over big time. And it's mostly not even anyone's fault. Church, gym, meetup, dart friends, work friends, etc, etc. All baskets of life have been stopped by this virus. Even babe that is over 10 thousand miles away, the virus had it's hand it messing with our relationship. I only realize this now as I type this. This thing shut my baskets of life down. Just about all of them.

I still have my work though but that can't sustain me. This isn't my life. Work is important but it's there to support my social life. If I had a family, it'd be for that too. But my dreams of maybe an Amanda is fading now. I had the audacity to dream that. Maybe even a Steven. Sigh..

For the life of me, I don't even know how but my house is cluttered. How the hell did that happen? I live alone so there isn't a loony-roomie to blame. And you know that gauge when I wake up in the morning and the few seconds it takes reality to hit you and fill your brain? Yeah, it's not filled with happiness anymore. Just sadness and anxiety.

One small good thing though. I do have some gym peeps texting me saying they miss the gym. Asking how I'm doing and they miss my antics and making them laugh. So I guess other people's baskets of life are being effected too. People maybe don't realize how cool I was until I'm no longer there. People texted saying they miss me and how I made them laugh. Well, I'm not laughing so much either right now. The one person that may have been able to pull me out of this virus thing was babe. And... she's not wanting anything to do with me anymore. Sigh...

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