at least i m already dead inside
shit is going to get dark. real dark. compounding darkness. jet black to the centre.
as bleak as it seems now, this is the calm period directly before a violent storm, here in nerth america. Italy they say has the 3rd ranked health care system globally, and they are STRUGGLING to keep their head above water - life or death calls, mass graves. with the 3rd ranked hc.
the toughest part i'm finding is how frozen in time and space i constantly am. so much info, so much terrible info. but i can't look away. ill sit in place and an hour will have passed. not hungry. gotta eat for immune system bolstering. and as fucked up as it is, this is the most connected I've felt with society at large in years. i guess?
feel like i should be in more communication with my parents/family because, what if we're all dead or dying in a week? but also, there's an emotional bahhgbgggrff... now it's contending with the constant background noise of the reality that millions of us will die this year. and it will be fucking heartless and cruel on every level.
mass virus death seems to me like perhaps thee most nihilistic way to go.